Monthly Archives: September 2012

“I’m single because I’m realistic?”

It’s Friday, I’m sick..and of course, that means the assholes have decided today was the day to show their face clearly. Please note that since I’m sick that any annoyances may be a little over the top.

A couple days ago a man who lives almost two hours away messages me about one of my pictures. He asks if I’m wearing spandex. huh? Weird question. I look at his profile and pictures and find that he’s a avid cyclist and in all his pictures he is wearing spandex cyclist wear. Well, I guess the question isn’t as weird now. I reply telling him it’s not spandex and that was it. He then sends me a series of flattering messages telling me I have great legs and that I must work out a lot.

Well, you know what? In my experience if a man is going on about a woman’s body parts it’s not because he wants to have a chat with her. I was at work at the time of these messages and just stopped responding since my break was over.

Today, the man messages me again. I end up politely telling him that I’m not interested in anything long distance. He replies that he’s in my city two times a week and that it’s my loss. Umm what? I like confidence but I think this guy has a little too much for my liking. I should add that he listed his profession as “Emergency Medical” and does appear to be quite good looking. I’m thinking he’s not used to rejection. Sorry, no amount of good looks is going to change the price of gas.

I reply with “I’m sure you will find someone who can accommodate you.”

His reply, “This is why you’re single. Have a good one.”

Really…I’m single because I’m realistic? At this point I’m leaving Wal-Mart, my 4 year old son in tow with groceries and Kleenex in hand. I would have loved to have blasted this ass to the moon but the energy just wasn’t there.

“No need to be rude. This is why you’re single.”    Block.

I swear if I didn’t delete my account all the time I would have the longest block list ever.

I’m single because I refuse to settle for an asshole, again.

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Why I Don’t Do Dinner On a First Meeting

Within the first 6 months of my being single I started talking to a man who seemed interesting and fun. We had some common interests and text “conversations” always seemed easy-going. Before long he asked to meet me for dinner. I agreed and time and place was arranged.

We meet at a local restaurant and thankfully he looks like his pictures. He seems to have the same playful attitude that he portrayed via text so we go and grab a table. We make idle conversation as we order our food. It wasn’t until the waitress had taken our order that the proverbial Shit hit the fan.

I made the mistake talking about my kids and I saw his face kind of darken a bit. Seeing as they are a part of my life the subject was bound to come up eventually…and if he wanted to get to know me he’d have to be ok with that.

I asked him what was wrong and he looked like he was about to cry. He then goes on to tell me about his kids. Twins, who were both stillborn. He’s completely devastated (as he should be) and goes on to tell me that his ex-wife left him because being around him reminded her too much of the babies they lost. Uhhh….

As much as it was absolutely horrible that this happened to him….I’m screaming inside “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” By the time the waitress comes with our food, the man is a blubbering mess. The waitress gives me a dirty look like I just broke his heart or something. WTF? Through the whole thing I try to be supportive (since I’m kind of stuck there) and try to steer the conversation in a different direction. Nope, not happening. I get to hear it ALL.

Perfect. Note the sarcasm.

In the end we finish dinner and he asks me if I would like to go for a drive. I very politely decline stating that I have to work in the morning and it’s getting late. I will admit this was an outright lie. This guy needs a psychologist, not a date.

From that point on I made sure that any first meetings I had provided a way of getting out of quickly. Mainly going for a coffee and a walk. I can usually tell within 5 minutes if I can stand being around a person….and I sure as hell do Not want to be in the receiving end of another man’s mental breakdown..

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I came across the below link while reading my facebook wall. One of dating gurus I follow posted it and I checked it out. Not only is the post surprisingly accurate but it is also funny and to the point. No sugar coating. I agree with every point made in the post, hence why I’m sharing it with everyone who reads my blog.

http://personalsfacts.com/2012/09/25/things-a-guy-should-never-do-when-he-lives-with-his-girlfriend/

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September 25, 2012 · 5:18 PM

Mr. Cling-on

A week or so ago I started talking to a man who sounded great on paper. He is super nice, cute, has a great job, his own house, his own vehicle(s)….except that he’s recently separated/single. So recent that upon creeping his Facebook I saw that his relationship status had only changed from Married to Single on the 3rd of September. Damn. I also was able to read some of his wall posts about the break up and his comments about how he still wished he could make it work with his now ex. Double Damn.

I don’t know which part of me raised her voice that day (the bitch or the helper) but I decided I was going to call him out on it. By this time we were communicating via text message. I told him I had just finished reading all the recent posts on his Facebook and asked him how I was to interpret it all. I didn’t hear anything back…leaving me to think I creeped him out. Not the case. He texts back after a half an hour to tell me he’s deleted all those posts and comments as well as his wedding pictures (yeah, I noticed those too…) and that he definitely is single and moving on.

I told him straight up that he hasn’t been single long enough and that I can’t date him because of it. I truly believe there are stages a person has to go though after a long term relationship before they can move on to someone new. I will write about that in another post.

A few days go by and I find myself with a Saturday night to myself, no kids and plans that had fallen through. I told him this and we agreed to meet for coffee. He buys my coffee (despite my having my money in hand) and we settle into his truck to talk. (I’m not a fan of sitting in the coffee shop since other people tend to listen.)

Now I almost never about exes but since his separation is so new I know it’s the only thing on his mind. We talk about various subjects but as suspected, the exes, his and mine, keep coming up. I mentioned mine since I’ve been single longer and I was trying to tell/show him how the progression from animosity to civil can and will happen (unless the person is a psycho). All in all a good conversation that lasted a few hours.

I made a mistake here though. I became bored with the setting and decided to change it. We took a drive in my car and I specifically called it an adventure. There are many beaches close to the area where we both live but you have to pay to get in and always closed after dark. By this time I have a good sense that this guy won’t try to kill me. So…I decide the adventure is going to take us to a private beach that I know. We walked along the beach and a couple of times I think he tried to initiate physical contact. I ignored it and wrote it off as him bumping into me. Looking back on it now, the beach could have been deemed as romantic since the stars looked absolutely Amazing that night.

It was late when I dropped him back off at his car. I purposely didn’t get out so that he didn’t try to hug me. If you haven’t guessed by now, no spark…doused by his length of time being single.

I get home at 2am and at 2:15am he texts me to tell me he had a good time….and that he’s on the phone with his Mother telling her ALL about me. Umm…what? He then goes on to tell me how beautiful, awesome, mature, and smart I am. Of which I reply with, “Thanks.” Kind of felt like the exchange when someone says “I love you” way too soon. Now I’m freaked out! What 32-year-old man calls his mother at 2 something in the morning to tell her about someone he just met that night. Mama’s boy? Oh no..

From then on and throughout the week I half ignore his texts. I remind him again that I can’t  date him because he is too newly single. He constantly asks how I am and sends texts at inappropriate times. (Like when I’m sleeping during the day and he Knows I’m working night shift.) Friday comes and he asks how I am, again…and I reply that I’m miserable. I explain how my car is in the shop and he offers to let me drive his truck until it’s fixed. Umm…what? Really? I politely decline even though it’s a nice truck, but no, I haven’t known him long enough to accept offers like that. Plus, who offers something like that to someone they have met only once?

I haven’t closed the book on this one yet since he does have potential to become a friend. Someone who tells him like it is seems to be what this man needs…and maybe someone to show him the ropes of being single since his Facebook has been overly dramatic with the “lonely” posts. Believe me, I called him out on that too.

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If I found a guy I loved as much as my Smartphone…

Love of a Smartphone

I actually made this Ecard just to be funny and so I could post it on my Facebook wall. I got a lot of responses to it.

When I think about what I actually wrote, it’s true. If I could meet a man who could multitask as much as my Smartphone can (and Does) then I would totally marry him. No one is perfect (even my phone since I Hate onscreen texting!) but in this day and age there is no reason why some people can be as lazy as they are.

Sending a text to say you are going to be late, making a phone call to reserve a table, or even an e-mail with the right directions to a meeting place. These are all things that are so easily done with the smallest devices. That being said, why have I been left waiting outside somewhere because someone is late? Why have I been stuck eating an appetizer at the bar because a table wasn’t reserved? Why have I ended up at the wrong location? This is a perfect example where the “small things” turns into the “Big things”.

I added the Upgrade part as an afterthought since who doesn’t like to switch things up once in a while. Although, I have been known to hold onto technology way past it’s prime just for the simple fact that it still does what I need it to do….the same goes for a man. Why fix what isn’t broken? If it is broken and can’t be fixed, why do we have to keep it?

We don’t, just saying..

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I read this blog entry and I agree with everything that this woman has said. I also literally laughed out loud at her closing line. I definitely remember why I subscribe to her blog. 🙂

Soon2BeCatLady

Fellow online daters:   What the crap is your deal with posting photos of your cats and dogs?   (Or your car, or your food.. etc. etc. etc. – for that matter.)   Last I checked, I was online to find a person, not a cat –  however, word on the street is I may be in that market soon.

I get it – you have animals.  Great!  Take your photo with your pet.  (And if you really want to get me purring:  Read and do this.)   I don’t need to see 3 pictures of Rover when you have only one of yourself, sporting your sunglasses.   I think you are missing the point.  I will admit – on my profile – I have a photo of myself holding a snake.  It’s not mine, it’s Velvet’s..  but, it’s on there to show you how bad ass I am… and…

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Who am I? I’m not you!

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire Cat. “Which road do I take?,” she asked. “Where do you want to go?,” was his response. “I don’t know,” answered Alice. “Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.” – ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll

 

When reading this quote it reminded me of what so many of us have to face when we are looking for someone to date. If you don’t know who you are looking for then how will you know when you find them?

This is why it’s important to “find yourself” after a long-term relationship has ended. In finding yourself you will also find bits and pieces of the person you want to accompany you for the rest of your journey.

From personal experience I found that I avoided certain activities. Not because I didn’t like them, but because the ex didn’t like them. It took a little time to realize, “Hey, I liked rollerblading before I met him. I think I still do.” AND I DO!! The feeling was very liberating to be gliding down a trail on my Rollerblades that I had not used in almost 4 years. Why had I stopped? It’s great exercise, it’s fun…but why?

Some would say I assimilated to my ex’s whims. At the time I looked at it as a compromise. I believe I said to myself that if I stop rollerblading, I can spend more time with him. What was I thinking? An hour once or twice a week doing an activity I enjoy (while he sat on a couch somewhere) would not and should not affect a relationship.

The point I’m trying to make here is that if we have a good clear sense of self then it will be easier to recognize it in someone else.

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Mixed Signals Quote

“‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold 
You’re yes then you’re no 
You’re in then you’re out 
You’re up and you’re down …”

– Katy Perry – Hot N Cold

This song is the epitome of dating nowadays.

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September 11, 2012 · 1:29 PM

I’ll screw you if you can spell…

grammar-spelling-benefit-cosmetics-ecards-someecardsI saw this ecard and I just about spit out my coffee. Not because it’s true but I it raises some issues that come up when it comes to meeting people online.

I’m sure we’ve all had the messages where the person can’t spell even the most simple words right or they appear drunk. Although messages after 1AM might very well be alcohol induced.

I have found I absolutely pay more attention to someone who can send a nice message without my having to decipher what has been typed. Even if I’m not interested I will reply back thanking them for the nice message.

The sad part about this detail is that the person who sends this message might in person actually be articulate. In a real conversation you can’t see how someone spells what they are saying. For this reason I have taken to looking at certain aspects of a person before trying to judge their text too much, namely their location, if they have a job and if they are hot enough. Since if they are hot we all tend to forgive some faults. Yes, I said it.

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You’ve Met Someone Decent, Now What?

To Unplug the Dating Profile or not?You’ve talked to someone and finally had your first meeting. Everything seems to have gone smoothly and you both express that you want to see each other again. What do you do now?

I ask this question because you still have the account on the dating site. Most likely when you log in you will be able to see if the other person has logged in and vice versa. You may have logged in to hide your profile because you’re happy about meeting that person. Why has the other person logged in? To do the same? To talk to other people they might be interested in? Would it seem like one is moving too fast if they instantly delete their profile after a first meeting?

This is something that is hard to determine since you know you have just met and there is no commitment. You hope that the person liked you as much as you liked them. This is where you feel like a kid again by the way. Despite being an adult, the same things we wondered about our crushes when we were young, still happens when we grow older.

In this age of technology, we hear of people cheating on spouses with people they have met online or meeting lots of people for sexual purposes. That being said, even the most secure person will wonder about this new person they have met. Are they telling the truth or are they lying? How do we know?

If we know enough about the person then we could use some sleuthing techniques like creeping their Facebook(assuming their privacy settings aren’t set too high) or Googling their name. This appears slightly like stalker behaviour but what you’re really doing is reading information that this person has already published about themselves. The only reason why you after specifically looking for this information is to find any red flags that would result in you not wanting to pursue anything further.

An example of this would be a man that told me that he did not have a criminal record. Yet, upon creeping his Facebook Wall I found that he had recently been released from a provincial jail and was still being remanded into custody on weekends…. Umm, no thanks.

I digress….

I pose the question to whoever reads this:

What do you think the proper way of handling this situation where you have met someone you like that you have met online?

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