A week or so ago I started talking to a man who sounded great on paper. He is super nice, cute, has a great job, his own house, his own vehicle(s)….except that he’s recently separated/single. So recent that upon creeping his Facebook I saw that his relationship status had only changed from Married to Single on the 3rd of September. Damn. I also was able to read some of his wall posts about the break up and his comments about how he still wished he could make it work with his now ex. Double Damn.
I don’t know which part of me raised her voice that day (the bitch or the helper) but I decided I was going to call him out on it. By this time we were communicating via text message. I told him I had just finished reading all the recent posts on his Facebook and asked him how I was to interpret it all. I didn’t hear anything back…leaving me to think I creeped him out. Not the case. He texts back after a half an hour to tell me he’s deleted all those posts and comments as well as his wedding pictures (yeah, I noticed those too…) and that he definitely is single and moving on.
I told him straight up that he hasn’t been single long enough and that I can’t date him because of it. I truly believe there are stages a person has to go though after a long term relationship before they can move on to someone new. I will write about that in another post.
A few days go by and I find myself with a Saturday night to myself, no kids and plans that had fallen through. I told him this and we agreed to meet for coffee. He buys my coffee (despite my having my money in hand) and we settle into his truck to talk. (I’m not a fan of sitting in the coffee shop since other people tend to listen.)
Now I almost never about exes but since his separation is so new I know it’s the only thing on his mind. We talk about various subjects but as suspected, the exes, his and mine, keep coming up. I mentioned mine since I’ve been single longer and I was trying to tell/show him how the progression from animosity to civil can and will happen (unless the person is a psycho). All in all a good conversation that lasted a few hours.
I made a mistake here though. I became bored with the setting and decided to change it. We took a drive in my car and I specifically called it an adventure. There are many beaches close to the area where we both live but you have to pay to get in and always closed after dark. By this time I have a good sense that this guy won’t try to kill me. So…I decide the adventure is going to take us to a private beach that I know. We walked along the beach and a couple of times I think he tried to initiate physical contact. I ignored it and wrote it off as him bumping into me. Looking back on it now, the beach could have been deemed as romantic since the stars looked absolutely Amazing that night.
It was late when I dropped him back off at his car. I purposely didn’t get out so that he didn’t try to hug me. If you haven’t guessed by now, no spark…doused by his length of time being single.
I get home at 2am and at 2:15am he texts me to tell me he had a good time….and that he’s on the phone with his Mother telling her ALL about me. Umm…what? He then goes on to tell me how beautiful, awesome, mature, and smart I am. Of which I reply with, “Thanks.” Kind of felt like the exchange when someone says “I love you” way too soon. Now I’m freaked out! What 32-year-old man calls his mother at 2 something in the morning to tell her about someone he just met that night. Mama’s boy? Oh no..
From then on and throughout the week I half ignore his texts. I remind him again that I can’t date him because he is too newly single. He constantly asks how I am and sends texts at inappropriate times. (Like when I’m sleeping during the day and he Knows I’m working night shift.) Friday comes and he asks how I am, again…and I reply that I’m miserable. I explain how my car is in the shop and he offers to let me drive his truck until it’s fixed. Umm…what? Really? I politely decline even though it’s a nice truck, but no, I haven’t known him long enough to accept offers like that. Plus, who offers something like that to someone they have met only once?
I haven’t closed the book on this one yet since he does have potential to become a friend. Someone who tells him like it is seems to be what this man needs…and maybe someone to show him the ropes of being single since his Facebook has been overly dramatic with the “lonely” posts. Believe me, I called him out on that too.