Monthly Archives: October 2012

Not Nice Feeling Like a Whore

It’s nice to feel wanted but it’s not nice to feel like a whore.

Those of us women (and even men) who have been bombarded with sex requests know what it’s like to open a message on a dating site only to be disappointed. We read that the person has only one thing in mind and it’s not to chat.

Depending on my mood I will respond in 1 of 2 ways:

Good Mood – “Where in my profile does it say I’m looking for sex so that I can change it?”

Bad Mood – “Fuck yourself because no one else will.” Then proceed with my signature Block/Delete.

An issue I’ve been having lately is that some very decent looking men have been asking me to meet them alluding to the sole reason of having sex. They are always respectful in their requests, always complimenting me, etc. I’ve had two specific ones ask multiples times. One is built like a brick shithouse. He doesn’t know it but I’ve seen him in person at the mall and Wow…gorgeous. The other, I used to work with about 8 years ago so I know he’s decent too.

I realize they ask because they don’t want a relationship/commitment, but why keep asking a woman who has already said no? Is it a male ego thing?

Any comments or suggestions welcome. 🙂

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Wow, in my 16+ years of on/off online dating I have never seen or heard of a message like that. Almost every line resounded a huge “WTF” in my head. Aside from totally creepy I believe this man suffers from a mental disorder, possibly Aspergers.

Totally reblogging this!!

It's Not a Match.com

Every Halloween, I think back to this email. I often wonder where the author is now, and if he’s killed anyone yet. It’s got that special level of crazy that is so specific, so genuine, that you can’t tell whether to laugh, cry, or run. It wasn’t sent to me, it was sent to one of my readers, in a segment I used to run frequently called Your Awful Story Olympics. It featured your dating stories, but your dating stories haven’t been as fun lately, I guess maybe you’re all too sane. Or maybe you didn’t feel like you could live up to this, The Scariest Email I’ve Ever Received. Enjoy, and Happy Halloween.

There will be only one Awful Story Olympic Medal this month, kids. When you read it, you’ll understand why.  In my months of writing this site and years of Internet dating personally, I have never encountered…

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He Has a Head Injury

We all meet those people where there is just no connection when it comes to dating or even friends. What do we do with these people? If they seem interested in you it’s not really fair to string them along. I’ve learned that the best way is to let them down gently…although if they don’t accept it graciously then that’s when I get pissed off.

Here is an example that happened to me about a year ago:

I met a man off Plenty of Fish who once again seemed all good on paper. We texted a bit then had a phone conversation. That went well (except I thought his voice was very monotone) so we had decided to meet. As I was on night shift that weekend we met for coffee after my shift ended at 7am.

This is where things went a little awry. We met and thankfully he did look like his pictures. When we started to talk it was a bit like pulling teeth. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he may have been nervous. After a short while he started to open up….to tell me ALL the SAME stories he had told me on the phone. There was a lot of “yep, you told me that already.”

Apparently the man had suffered a head injury and I wish I was joking about this. He had been doing training for a policing position and had gotten injured. He had to forego the rest of the training…but apparently was all good when it came to the military, his current profession. He can’t pull people over to give them tickets but he’s allowed to shoot weapons…..what? He had explained, twice now, that the head injury effected his memory.

To make a longer story short the man had zero personality. Every time I tried to talk about something he would refer back to one of his limited stories and like a broken record go into the full story again. The “Get me out here” factor was definitely engaged. After an hour I politely told him I had to go so I could sleep for my shift that Saturday night.

I wake up to get ready for my shift on the Sunday night and read this text message on my phone:

“I haven’t really heard from you. Don’t you like me?” (paraphrasing as this was a year ago)

Now it’s obvious to you all, I didn’t…but since he’s just not my type, I was nice.

“It was really great meeting you but I don’t feel we have a whole lot in common. I’m open to being friends if you like.”

His reply:

“Oh, I see. That’s ok. I’ve already met someone else and I like her better. She’s younger and prettier…and the kids thing kind of freaks me out.”

WHAT? Oh no…he didn’t. Oh…but he did. We definitely aren’t going to be friends especially after my reply to this intentionally hurtful message. I set up my phone to be able to block his number immediately after I send him this message:

“Wow, that was cowardly. I sent you a respectful message and that is what you send me? I’m going show you the same respect you showed me and tell you exactly what I think about you. I think you’re Dumb as Fuck. Your head injury effected more than just your memory. Don’t bother replying. You number will be blocked as soon as I hit send.”

Juvenile on my part, maybe. I don’t usually stoop down to an idiots level, but I felt at that time it was warranted. The nerve that he insult not only my age, looks and the fact that I have kids…ALL of which he knew before he met me.

On to the next…

——————

UPDATE:

This guy recently contacted me again via Plenty of Fish. His message said hello and told me that he as single again after dating a girl for 10 months. I simply replied with,

“Are you that whacked to think I would really give a shit?”

I waited about 30 seconds to make sure the message had gone through…then I Blocked him. The only thing about that is once I block someone and I have sent a message, I don’t know for sure if they get the message. Ahh well, drama averted!

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Drama – Why Men Secretly Love It

Who likes drama? I mean really, who?

Urban Dictionary Definition – Drama:

“A way of relating to the world in which a person consistently overreacts to or greatly exaggerates the importance of benign events.”

The person who creates the drama is not only stirring the proverbial pot but also they are triggering emotions in other people. For the most part those emotions tend to be negative.

When you first meet someone what do you want to see? A happy person or sad person with intense emotions that change every 5 minutes? You would think this is self-explained but is it?

A normal person is usually guarded when they meet someone new. They try to portray themselves as happy and positive. If anything negative comes about it might be anger but usually about something small like work or the car breaking down. Anger in small doses seems to be acceptable. That being said, if you only see someone being happy and “pissed off”, what would you think of that person?

I’m going to use myself for this. Duh. Since I’m the one I know best. I recently wrote about a man coming back into my life and then finding out that I was yet again, a rebound. I was so happy to hear from again then really pissed off when I realized what was up. Then, other emotions reared it’s head. I felt hurt and sadness. I didn’t let that man know I felt the last ones. I didn’t want him to think I was all “drama” for feeling that way.

Why not? They were legitimate feelings. Why shouldn’t I share them? And why do I keep having men come back to me as a rebound?

While having a conversation with my guy friend of mine and he said, “Why wouldn’t they want to hang out with you, you’re fun!” My friend had a point there. They want to forget the negative they just left and have some fun. I’m not speaking sexually since most of these men I was never physical with.

While thinking about all of this and letting it circle repeatedly. The thought occurred to me, yes, I may be fun but perhaps I am emotionally boring to them.

Here is something interesting:

Urban Dictionary Definition – Passion:

“Passion is when you put more energy into something than is required to do it. It is more than just enthusiasm or excitement, passion is ambition that is materialized into action to put as much heart, mind body and soul into something as is possible.”

…………does that description not sound a lot like Drama? Emphasis on the fact that more energy is being exerted in the creation process.

Lack of passion = lack of drama….but we like passion don’t we? I’m pretty sure men do to.

Think about it and tell me your thoughts in the comments. Am I totally off here or may I be on to something?

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Part 3 – That One Who Got Away

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a rebound when it comes to this man. Again.

I finally thought to ask him how long he has been single and how long he was with his last girlfriend. Single 3 weeks and was with her for 6 months. Ugh.

No question, I am the rebound. Why does this keep happening? I think I have an idea as to why and I’ll be addressing this in another post.

The main reason for this post is an update for people who were wondering about this guy….along with me. I’ve determined that (after two 12hr shifts of thinking) that I am indeed his rebound and that I refuse to be as such. I absolutely refuse to be a “temp” woman until he finds someone closer. This isn’t negative, it’s realistic…and kinda what happened before.

So, I’ve told him all this….since we aren’t dating. I’ve thrown all my shit out there for him to see.

On to the next…

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Part 2 – The One Who Got Away

Now my head is messed up. This entry is an update to the post I made yesterday entitled The One Who Got Away Just Contacted Me. I was super excited and totally freaking out about see him again.

Here goes…

I met him at that park where we went for a walk the first day we met. It’s also the same place where I do all of my rollerblading. He’s early…I had planned on getting there before him so I could try and relax while drinking my coffee. Considering he lives about 45 minutes away from me, the fact that he was early made me think he really must have wanted to see me.

He rode his sport bike and of course looked as handsome and sexy as ever. He hadn’t changed a bit. He asked for a hug first thing. His hug is strong and soft at the same time. The kind of hug where you feel safe. I could have melted. Damn, how does he have that effect on me?!?

We talked, laughed and caught up. We did go rollerblading for a short time. About 2kms or so. I say short since when I go on my own its usually at least 10kms. All the while I’m checking him out and wondering why is he here?

Afterwards we stop at my place to drop off his motorcycle and go out for lunch. He constantly complimented me about how great I look and how smart I am. He even mentioned that he doesn’t understand why or how I’m still single. This is where I mentioned that I now write this blog about my dating misadventures, even about the epiphany I had the other day. We even talked about why things didn’t work between us. Mainly the distance between us.

He instantly asked if I had written about him. I told him I did just that morning and he wanted to read it. Ah crap.. After a few minutes I get out my phone and let him read the post. He commented that he thought it was sweet and again how intelligent I am. I was slightly embarrassed that he got to have a glimpse into my head.

All the while we are talking and hanging out he looks at me right in the eyes. I swear this man has the most intense eyes. He looks Right at me and when he does I know, or at least think, he’s with me and his head isn’t anywhere else. I don’t know how he does it.

After lunch we somehow fit in some snuggle time on my couch. It felt like how we were before…although in my head I’m thinking it’s been over a year since I’ve physical seen this man and almost 5 months since we had any contact with each other (the June birthday text I sent). The connection and attraction was definitely still there.

Finally, he had to leave so that he could pick his daughter up from school. I ended up taking a short nap since my head was swimming (and still is). I needed a break.

I. Will. Not. Chase.

I swore I wasn’t going to text him first. Swore it. Even swore to my friend who agreed that when I talked about him, I did indeed call him the one who got away.

A couple hours later he texts me to tell me he had a great time. Holy shit.. It’s not like we had a bad time, but I sincerely have no idea where this is going.

Later that night, after our kids were in bed, my phone is blown up by him..and his blown up by mine. It was like old times. Although I’m truly trying to hold back. Why should I let him just waltz back into my life when I don’t really know what his intentions are. I wouldn’t say I was hurt the last time around but I was definitely disappointed. The reality of the distance was there from the get-go.

I’m dumbfounded. My mind is boggled. A big huge WTF and where did this come from?

I’m definitely over analyzing every minute and every text. Sadly I’m being a typical woman right now and I hate it.

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The One Who Got Away Just Contacted Me

I’m a bit of a basket case right now. In about an hour I am going to meet up with a man I met about a year and a half ago. We dated briefly until things got in the way that we couldn’t control.

I refer to this man as the one who got away. He is awesome in so many ways. We had so much fun together. Could always talk  or just hang out and say nothing. Although we only saw each other for about 2 months, he definitely had a profound effect on me and think about him from time to time.

Just last week I deleted his number from my phone because I figured there was no reason for me to have it. Last I heard…and this was back in June when I wished him a happy birthday through text message, that he was seeing someone. And why wouldn’t he be? He’s an amazing man!

He’s super handsome, has a great personality, dances, works out, has a great career in the trades, has a house, multiple vehicles and a beautiful daughter that he has most of the time. The bad part….he lives/d 45 minutes away. I originally shot him down because of the distance but he swore he came to my town often because of family. We would meet up when the kids were in school. Did lunches, and active things…he even took me to a private range where we taught me and let me shoot his handguns (all registered and licensed btw). I thought that was great since I went to school to become a correctional officer so it was something I needed to learn eventually.

I could gush about this man forever…

There was even one night where he decided he was going to come see me (it actually was his birthday weekend) and we were going to go dancing and have some drinks. We got a little tipsy and he stayed at my place. I will tell you without a doubt that we did Not have sex. Oh…I absolutely wanted to…but he said we should just cuddle. We did, and it was sweet….and the only man to ever suggest such a thing, especially with a bunch of drinks into him.

The summer came and the kids were out of school. The relationship hadn’t progressed enough that we wanted to let our kids meet…so seeing each other was difficult. We drifted apart and he started seeing someone closer distance wise. Although I wished it was me…I still wanted him to be happy.

This morning at 6:36am I wake up to see this text from a number with no name:

“Good morning!!! What’s up??”

Confused and with only one eye open, “Who is this?”

“Gah!!!!!!! haha it’s ______”

Holy shit…wtf, oh my god….so many things swirled around my head.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to go rollerblading today?”

……fuck yeah! I scream in my head. This is significant since I had tracked down a pair of blades for him but we never ended up going. I was to teach him how to do it. I asked if he was coming here and he said he absolutely would.

I’m freaking out..seriously.

That being said, I’m going to drill him. I’m going to find out absolutely what he’s up to…not that he ever really played any games with me that I know of. But as any woman would, I’m already over analyzing everything.

Stay tuned…

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Insanely Happy – A slightly Psychotic poem

Not quite sure when I wrote this poem but I’m guessing it was around 2004/05. I was going through my first divorce. I definitely must have been feeling some intense emotions when these words materialized as they did. It’s a bit unpolished and the timing is a little off. That being said, I give you:

Insanely Happy

I watch your funny face,
But your face doesn’t make me laugh,
You know what it is, and so do I,
It’s that knife stuck in your back.

Your blood makes me giggle,
As it trickles to the floor,
I believe that you are history,
A text of forgotten lore.

I do not smile often,
But this I will admit,
Deserves a smile, maybe more,
As you gush a little bit.

What is my murderous motive?
A believable last thought, I think,
Justice for me and no one else,
You’re too thoughtless to make a link.

They say pure joy and happiness,
Is thought to be very rare,
A sly smirk upon my face,
We’ve seen who likes a scare.

In conclusion, I have won,
I’ve truly solved this case,
I’ll see you in hell,
I watch your funny face.

Copyright The Woman Behind sofreespirit80

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Let’s Chill!

Totally agree with this entry and felt the need to reblog.

I commented: “I reblogged this. I totally agree and so tired of the “hang out” vs “an actual date”. I can understand a first meeting being just a coffee…but why after meeting does it have to go straight to “watching a movie” instead of out on a date? Ugh I blame easy women making it harder for the rest of us.”

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I can’t date you because I’m broke.

Over the last couple of days I’ve had a lot of messages from men on both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. More than usual. I am still getting the sex requests and the occasional penis picture but they for the most part they are easily ignored, blocked, deleted.

Some of the men I’ve received messages from actually do seem like they could be decent. That being said, I’ve picked them apart in some way where I’ve deemed them not worthy.

  • I don’t like their pictures.
  • They spelled too many things wrong in their profile.
  • Take your damn sunglasses off for once!
  • You live to far away.
  • You make too much money.
  • You’re too good-looking………….

Wait a second here… those last two I listed jolted an epiphany. Too much money and too good-looking has NOTHING to do with them being worthy……but has ALL to do with if I think I am worthy of them.

As most people try to do, I show people the real me. I’m often told I’m funny, sexy, out-going and people just don’t understand how or why I’m single. I’ve even had messages from guys on the dating sites asking why I’m on there since I’m obviously not unfortunate looking. I always reply that being a single mom and working full-time doesn’t allow for me to meet people the usual way. (What exactly is the “usual” way nowadays?)

I think I’ve figured it out. It all really does come down to worth. Not personal worth, but financial.

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to any one who reads this but divorce can be expensive.  Especially when you allow your ex to use your credit cards (that only have your name on it) and rack them up. It was fine when you were together and he made payments….but can you guess what happened when you split? ……yeah. Then add at that time I had just gone back to college to start a new career while managing two kids and a house. Do you think those credit cards got paid? Absolutely not. I’m quite embarrassed about it.

What I have circling in my head right now is that perhaps I’m not giving decent men a fair chance because I think I’m not worthy financially. Will they think I’m a bad person because the mountain of debt I have with a possible bankruptcy in my future. It’s almost like I’m waiting for myself to be in the black before I can give a decent guy a chance.

I posed a question today to a man I had met online who I still talk to. Strangely enough he’s actually a financial planner.

I asked, “Would you date a woman knowing she has a mountain of debt of which she will most likely have to claim bankruptcy even though it in no way will effect you?”

“Of course.”

“Really?”

“But I couldn’t get too serious about riding off into the sunset with somebody that insists on ending up broke. I would have to see some changes.”

And there it is…my fears materialized right in front of my eyes. It was my own stupidity that got me in this mess so it’s not like I meant for it to happen. Despite bankruptcy I will still own my house, still own my car, still have a job and everything else that is good. It will still be a black mark or a red flag for some people. I guess the first person who needs to learn to get passed it is me.

Perhaps this warrants an experiment: Create a profile airing my dirty laundry but on a positive note and see what kinds of responses I get. (Probably list myself across the country though. lol)

Thoughts and comments welcome!

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