Over the last couple of days I’ve had a lot of messages from men on both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. More than usual. I am still getting the sex requests and the occasional penis picture but they for the most part they are easily ignored, blocked, deleted.
Some of the men I’ve received messages from actually do seem like they could be decent. That being said, I’ve picked them apart in some way where I’ve deemed them not worthy.
- I don’t like their pictures.
- They spelled too many things wrong in their profile.
- Take your damn sunglasses off for once!
- You live to far away.
- You make too much money.
- You’re too good-looking………….
Wait a second here… those last two I listed jolted an epiphany. Too much money and too good-looking has NOTHING to do with them being worthy……but has ALL to do with if I think I am worthy of them.
As most people try to do, I show people the real me. I’m often told I’m funny, sexy, out-going and people just don’t understand how or why I’m single. I’ve even had messages from guys on the dating sites asking why I’m on there since I’m obviously not unfortunate looking. I always reply that being a single mom and working full-time doesn’t allow for me to meet people the usual way. (What exactly is the “usual” way nowadays?)
I think I’ve figured it out. It all really does come down to worth. Not personal worth, but financial.
I’m sure it will come as no surprise to any one who reads this but divorce can be expensive. Especially when you allow your ex to use your credit cards (that only have your name on it) and rack them up. It was fine when you were together and he made payments….but can you guess what happened when you split? ……yeah. Then add at that time I had just gone back to college to start a new career while managing two kids and a house. Do you think those credit cards got paid? Absolutely not. I’m quite embarrassed about it.
What I have circling in my head right now is that perhaps I’m not giving decent men a fair chance because I think I’m not worthy financially. Will they think I’m a bad person because the mountain of debt I have with a possible bankruptcy in my future. It’s almost like I’m waiting for myself to be in the black before I can give a decent guy a chance.
I posed a question today to a man I had met online who I still talk to. Strangely enough he’s actually a financial planner.
I asked, “Would you date a woman knowing she has a mountain of debt of which she will most likely have to claim bankruptcy even though it in no way will effect you?”
“But I couldn’t get too serious about riding off into the sunset with somebody that insists on ending up broke. I would have to see some changes.”
And there it is…my fears materialized right in front of my eyes. It was my own stupidity that got me in this mess so it’s not like I meant for it to happen. Despite bankruptcy I will still own my house, still own my car, still have a job and everything else that is good. It will still be a black mark or a red flag for some people. I guess the first person who needs to learn to get passed it is me.
Perhaps this warrants an experiment: Create a profile airing my dirty laundry but on a positive note and see what kinds of responses I get. (Probably list myself across the country though. lol)
Thoughts and comments welcome!