Monthly Archives: March 2013

I’m feeling….

men-feelings

I want to talk about feelings today. A lot of women don’t have a problem talking about their feelings but when it comes to men….umm, no, not happening.

It’s to the point where when I do meet a man who does express their feelings I don’t actually believe him. It makes me feel overwhelmed because my brain doesn’t know how to process it all.

I’ll give an example. A while back I met a man who would compliment me constantly. I’m talking in person, through text message, etc …and it wasn’t just about my physical appearance. I had to ask him to stop. I didn’t know how to take it.

Now those aren’t necessarily feelings but what are was how this man reacted to everything. If something made him happy, sad or angry, he expressed it through his words…not all in his actions. This was a new one for me. After much thought I realized I LIKED it! There was SO much less for me to try to figure out and so much more for me to enjoy because of it.

Finally! A man who understood that I’m not freakin’ mind reader!

The sad part is that due life things didn’t work out with his man. No fault to either one of us. In turn I learned that this is a quality in a man that I would like. I realize that a man who can express his feelings is rare but there has GOT to be some more out there!

For anyone reading this…point me in the Right direction and I’ll be ALL over that!

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Filed under Dating, Love, Single, Trust

Finally! Facebook!

Thanks to Facebook making it so that people like me can create a page and Not use my Personal page….you’re now able to LIKE me on there. As much as I love to share my experiences with you all, it doesn’t mean I wanted to share pictures of my kids with you all as well. I do/did share my blog on my personal page but I would rather not Spam my friends who could care less about my dating life. 🙂

So… here it is: http://www.facebook.com/AnotherSingleWomansBlog

LIKE the page to get notifications on Facebook of new blog posts…AND/OR Follow of Twitter…but that tends to get a bit raunchier. lol

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Smarter Online Dating Tips by @HollyCSees

Lately it takes a lot for me to get excited but last week I did….and it wasn’t about a man! LOL I was contacted via Twitter to write a short blurb about online dating. First I thought there was no way I could do that. But, after reading some of the other articles on the site I noticed that you don’t have to be a great writer, just be able to convey a message….as well be able to use spell check. The hardest part for me was trying to be concise enough to be able to fit into the 300-400 word limit without losing my message.

Well, I did it. Sent it off and within hours was e-mailed that I would be published on Sunday. Last Sunday. It looks so pretty so I’m going to share it. I didn’t get paid accept for being able to add the link to my blog in the article. It was fun…although I much prefer my usual style of writing, swearing et al.

Smarter Online Dating Tips by @HollyCSees

 

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Mr. History of Violence

When one first becomes single the thought of dating and finding someone new kind of puts you off. You spend time with your friends but after a while you start looking around. You notice that all your friends are paired up and start to think it might be nice to be paired up too. That being said, the person has to be pretty special for me to want to give up any of my independency.

The hard part of getting back “into the game” is figuring out the rules. You always want to put your best foot forward but from my experience not everyone has a best foot. This is where I learned that I should ask certain questions BEFORE I meet them. The question I should have asked with man I’m going to write about is, “Do you have a criminal record?”

This is significant because I was still going to college with “dreams” of becoming a correctional officer. I even had that information in my dating profile as I “thought” it might ward off people with criminal records and who used drugs. HA…quite the opposite. I learned quickly to take that information out as some people have sick cop/robber type fantasies.

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I was single about 6 months and a man who had the traditional “bad boy” look to him kept sending me messages on the dating site. He would always compliment me and tell me that he would like to take me out. I kept declining until I found myself with some free time and decided on a whim to meet up with him.

We went out for wings and everything seemed fine. The conversation flowed fairly well until I got to the part about what I was taking in school. He got really quiet and I jokingly said, “You don’t have a criminal record, do you?”

Apparently he very much did! He had spent 3 years in a Youth facility for shooting a man when he was 14. He explained that a family member had been involved in some gang activity and was shot on their doorstep. He had picked up the weapon the shooter had dropped and shot at the shooter.

Wow…that was A LOT to take in. My mind was whirling all over the place and already trying to figure out my exit strategy.

We had continued to eat our wings and I tried to appear not to be phased by his confession. I tried to consider that it was something that happened 20 years ago when he was a Youth.

So I asked, “Do you have an adult record?”

Nonchalantly he says, “Oh, just a domestic about a year ago.”

Uhh…for those of you who don’t know “domestic” means Domestic Assault which means it was most likely against his ex. With further explanation from him I learned it very much was on his ex wife. Perfect. He tried to make the story sound in his favor (they always do) but I wasn’t buying it. Not one freakin’ word!

“Just a domestic” ….he obviously didn’t think that was a huge deal and thought it was acceptable to assault someone he supposedly cared about. Fuck That!

Needless to say, I wasn’t going to see this person again.

I gained some definite insight into what dating would be like for me. I realize dating in your 30’s that most people will have some baggage. A child or two, exes, whatever….but shooting someone and domestic assault? I can’t accept that nor would I put myself and my children in that position.

Questions and comments always welcome. 🙂

P.S.  – Those who know me, please don’t be alarmed. This happened approximately 2.5 years ago.

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Filed under Dating, Divorce, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean…

“Being open to a relationship doesn’t mean just my legs.” – Me

Yep, I totally thought that line up all by myself. Feel free to quote me as I think there is some truth to it.

Excuse me while I take a break from wading through the bottom feeders.

I’m clearly lost.

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Eww, Creepy Old Men

Age is just a number right? Well…sometimes.

When it comes to dating you can’t really help who you are attracted to but when it comes to online dating you can definitely narrow your search. I’m talking about age restrictions here. That being said, I try not to narrow mine too much because what if the person for me just had a birthday which puts him just over my age restrictions.

I’ll put it out there, I’m 33. I have my age restrictions set usually between 27 and 43. Usually by age 27 some men start to mature and may have a child or two. This would give him a greater understanding as to what my world is like.

As for 43, I’m starting to think I should lower it. My original reason for going that high was seeing some male profiles where the men look really good for their age, as well we had a few things in common that didn’t consist of sitting in front of some kind of screen. I made it so that if these men wanted to contact me, they could. To my surprise (and later dismay) some of them actually did.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to properly describe how I feel about these men after short conversations. First, I get bored fast because they tend not do much other than work, watch TV and go to bed early. It’s like their list of interests are just that, interests. Not things that they actually do. Hmm… Then, the conversation quickly changes to have heavy sexual undertones. Nothing “bad” actually said but mentioning that having a partner to help keep me up at night would be a good idea was kind of creepy. (Associated with the part of a conversation about my staying awake that night so I could sleep during the day for my midnight shift the next night.)

After a few of these undertones I stop responding as it clearly wasn’t a mistake.

I wasn’t in a good mood when one of these men sent one of those messages so I responded with:

“I can read between the lines and I clearly see what you’re really looking for.”

His response, “I can clearly see you’re a bitch.”

Really….maybe I am a bitch, or maybe he didn’t like that I wasn’t going to play his game. There are women out there that will be his toy and  it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me. Oh…and we can’t forget how mature his response actually was/wasn’t being 10 YEARS older than me.

I’m starting to think I should get more cats and invest in Duracell.

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Upon reflecting while writing this post I have changed my highest age restriction to 40. I’ve now weeded out the creepy “old” men, now if only the Just Creepy ones had it tattooed on their forehead.

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“Sorry, my phone died.”

We all lead busy lives. Well, most of us. Myself I’m either busy with my kids, work or doing some kind of house work. That being said when I get a message from someone on a dating site I can always find time to reply…if I want to reply.

Here is what happened to make me want to write this particular post. A man sent me a message on Plenty of Fish telling me he would like to chat with me. As I was working that day I wasn’t able to reply right away. By the time I did he had sent another message. That would normally annoy me a little due to lack of patience on their part but it was something nice to read.

Longer story short, we chatted on the site for a day or so before he asked if I would like to go for a coffee. I was game to go as he seemed to be all good when it came to my criteria. Then the messages stopped yet I could see that he was online on Plenty of Fish. As stalkerish as that sounds, it’s a feature of the site! That was a Wednesday.

Friday comes and I receive this message:

“Sorry, my phone died.”

I’m thinking that maybe he sent that message to the wrong person. It could happen. Although on POF it’s harder to do since the person’s picture IS right there. I didn’t reply to the message.

He sends another message asking me if I would like to go for coffee that night. That Night being Friday night. He just assumes I’m free….and I’m going to assume he had a date cancel for Friday and now he’s looking for a backup! Umm, no. I had to work night shift all weekend anyway and but even if I were free I would have said no. I thought it was quite rude!

I did, however, call him out on his frequent Online status. I said something to the effect:

“I’m sorry but I cannot accept that you’re telling me your phone died as this site does show me, and everyone else, that you are online.”

He replies, “I have the same problem you said you have with the pof app, it doesn’t seem to shut off.”

“If your phone is dead, it doesn’t transmit, ” I reply.

Something’s dead now…and it’s the air. No reply. Oh well. 🙂

There’s something to be said about a man who thinks us women are stupid….and there are too many swear words I could use for them. Instead, I’ll just say he was the epitome of Disrespect.

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single