Category Archives: OKCupid

The Pink Panties

There are times when you feel like throwing caution to the wind and just going with the flow. There are also times where there are red flags and you should not ignore them. The experience I’m about to tell is one of those.

In about April of this year I found myself with a weekend off where my kids were with their dad. It was Saturday afternoon and plans I had made with friends had fallen through. A man had started sending me messages on POF. Another military man from the base located an hour from me. He seemed decent enough that after a couple hours of messages back and forth, I accepted his invitation for dinner.

I made the hour long drive to his city as there was more things to do there than in mine. We met at a restaurant and everything seemed cool. I will add that he was VERY French. As I’ve met quite a few men from the military on POF I’ve become used to filtering out the accent. I sometimes think it’s funny to hear how they say certain English words…even my own name as it starts with an H….H’s are difficult for them and I know this. 😛

We had a nice drink and chat at the first restaurant then he suggest going to another because he had discovered I loved wings. Everything seemed normal except I learned that he was only recently single for a month and that his ex girlfriend (also military) was still in the process of moving out. Hmm…

After eating I seemed comfortable with him enough to accept his invitation to watch some Big Bang Theory at his place. Yes, I know…you shouldn’t go to a guys house you just met but it had started raining. I wasn’t ready to go home yet and the rain made it so a walk would have been dismal.

I should have gone home.

I went to his place which was a small basement apartment. He had explained he was moving in another week to a house he had bought in a new subdivision. We settled on the couch and he made sure to sit right beside me and snuggled up. At this point I didn’t mind because who doesn’t like to snuggle?

About half way through the episode I had to use the washroom. He directs me to go through his bedroom where the bathroom is on the other side. I passed a drying rack on my way but had to go so bad something didn’t register at first. When I came out I did a quick sweep of the room with my eyes….because I’m nosy that way.

Fantasy novel (in French) by the bed, clothes neatly folded on the dresser, boxes half filled looking like he’s ready to move and pink panties hanging off the drying rack. PINK PANTIES? WTF…? This guy was 6’3″ and easily a muscular 190-200lbs. There is no freakin’ way he could fit into those.

That being said, he had told me his ex was in the process of moving out. I don’t know about you all…but if I’m moving out of someone’s place I’m pretty sure I’m not going to leave my PINK underwear hanging around, quite literally. As well, if my ex left his underwear hanging around I would have either burned it or thrown it in a garbage bag for them to pick up.

I went back out to his living room and pretended I hadn’t seen anything. I didn’t sit as close to him though. We watched the rest of the episode and he indicated that he wanted to make out with me. I decided I had nothing to lose said sure, if he could say my name.

Remember the whole “H” thing couple with the French accent? I wanted to get in one last laugh before I left this loser.

“Say my name.”

He shakes his head no.

“Come on, I want to hear you say it.”

“I cannot.”

“Really? It’s that hard?”

“Oui.”

“Oh I get it…do you even remember my name?” I ask jokingly.

He shakes his head.

Nice. What the fuck? I know I texted my name to him before I met him and I knew his name..and had said it a couple times. This indicated that he didn’t care to remember or know it.

It was at this point where my phone started ringing and it was coworkers wondering where I was. I usually attend local UFC showings with them….and usually the one who drives their drunk asses home. I used this excuse as my quick exit, but not before noticing a few pairs of high heeled shoes shoved to one side in the entry way. Hmm..

Needless to say I never contacted that guy again. I came to the conclusion that his girlfriend must have been on some course with the military and/or was out of town at that time. There is also the idea that she was staying at their new house while he was supposed to be packing. Who knows…I don’t…and I don’t care to know.

Le sigh.

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

A Question Answered + Dating Sites Review

followyourheart

I’m not sure if anyone else has noticed but I have a link where I make myself available for questions from my readers. I got my first one this weekend and it’s a good one I think. A reader writes:

“Do u think POF or other “free” dating sites set you up. Let me explain they send you a “perfect” guy for yourself, he “sends ” you a message and then blam!! he;s gone! You want to believe if u upgrade “pay” u will b able to read this message and he is real???”

In response to this I would have to say I’m on the fence with this one. I believe there are sites that may do this in an effort to get your money but not all of them.

When it comes to Plenty of Fish (POF) and OkCupid all messages, sending and receiving is completely FREE. The only thing you pay for on this sites are what I call the “stalking” features. These include showing you when a person has been online, if they have read your message and how often they have viewed your profile. These sites make their money mainly from ads on the site. In addition when you upgrade to a paid membership you don’t have to see the ads. You just get to see the same pictures of the same men that seem to be on BOTH the sites.

That brings me to sites like Match.com, eHarmony and Lavalife. These sites are geared towards people who are supposedly more serious about meeting someone. It’s sad to say I have tried and/or paid for all of them. Match.com was a one month membership promotion that was half off. eHarmony was a 3 month trial membership for $20. I can’t remember the promotion that got me to try Lavalife but it had to have been cheap…as I’m cheap. 😛 After saying all that, I found there was one thing in common with ALL 3 of these sites. About 75% of the men on them where also on POF and/or OkCupid….the FREE sites.

Now, getting back to the original question, the only dating site there I felt that the messages might have been fake where from Zoosk. I found the site hard to navigate and almost everything I clicked on it tried to get me to buy a membership. As well I was getting constant e-mails from them even if someone just Looked at my profile. No, thanks. The messages from those guys on there can stay unread. In other words, I don’t recommend Zoosk at all as it’s spammy and money hungry.

Thanks to the reader for the question. It was fun to have something to write specifically about and turned into a short review of the many dating sites out there. I’ll gladly expand or clarify if there are any other questions about this.  If anyone else has any other questions for me, Click HERE and send them!!

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Filed under OKCupid, Online Dating, POF

The Depths of Being Shallow

deepshallow

Picking and choosing who and what we are attracted to is up to us right? Some would argue yes and some would argue no.

If you said yes then you’re probably thinking that you like someone because of attributes you chose that you want. This could be anything from physical appearance, personality characteristics, or what kind of car they drive.

For those who say no you may have come to the realization that a lot of what we are attracted to has been environmentally ingrained in us from birth. Things we like/dislike in a person have been taught to us by our parents, caregivers, etc as we grew up. In this respect it means we naturally and unconsciously seek out what has been planted in our psyche. I know from experience that it is very difficult to deviate from our “attraction zone.”

Sadly, this can also make us appear shallow. Can a man help that he prefers a woman with larger breasts? Can a woman help that she prefers a man who is taller than her?

Sometimes it just doesn’t matter how awesome a person is or how great their personality is. If you can’t imagine yourself eventually having sex with that person then there is no point in dating them.

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7 Bad Date Exit Strategies

We’ve ALL been there. The Bad Date.

Sitting at a table across from your date and wondering how in the hell you’re going to get out of the situation. I’ve compiled a short list of ways to do this. Some require minimal pre-planning and some can be done on the fly. These are options that can be used when you don’t feel like saying to the person’s face:

” You’re a creepy bastard and you look NOTHING like your pictures. There’s no fucking way I want to stay another minute let alone EVER want to have sex with you.”

Most of us wouldn’t have the guts to say that in person so here’s what else you can do:

  1.  Go to the bathroom but don’t come back. This only works if you are seated where your date can’t see the bathroom AND the exit.
  2.  Tell your date you’re going to the bathroom. Do so but call/text a friend and ask them to call you in 10 minutes. Fake an emergency with your kids, parent or even your cat…despite if you even have kids or a cat.
  3. Download a free APP to your phone that will go off after a certain amount of time making it look you’re getting an emergency call or text. (Just in case you don’t have any friends…)
  4. Tell your date you didn’t get much sleep the night before and you have to work early in the morning.
  5. If you’re not in a coffee shop or restaurant where you can hide out in the bathroom, there is always the option to fake sick. You can say you weren’t feeling well before you arrived but didn’t want to stand the person up.
  6. Act like a total bitch/asshole, create a nervous twitch, pretend you have Tourette’s, or make up a strange OCD habit (count your steps and on every 5th step you clap 3 times)….all in an effort to make them think you’re screwed up and make THEM want to leave.
  7. Last but not least, if you’re really not sure about the date you can show up early and wait for the person to show up. Once you see them and it’s already clear you don’t want to be there, leave.

When it’s all said and done it’s best not to leave the person hanging. Dishonesty sucks and sadly these exit strategies use it. If the person seemed ok but you just weren’t interested. It’s best to text/e-mail then by the next day to tell them your lack of interest. If the person TOTALLY lied about everything, my BLOCK/DELETE method works just fine!

As well, stick with something short like a walk or coffee. You don’t want to get stuck in the situation where I write about Why I Don’t Do Dinner on a First Date.

Bad Date Bingo

Bad Date Bingo

Do you have any other ideas for exiting a bad date? Let me know in the comment section on the blog, Facebook or Twitter.

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

“User has been deleted.”

ARGH…

For those of you who use Plenty of Fish I’m sure you’ve all seen the title of this blog, “User has been deleted.” At first you think, what did that person do to be deleted? They seemed nice. You know what..they probably were, but they deleted their account of their own free will.

I deleted my Plenty of Fish account today (for the millionth time) and all the people I had talked to (and not blocked) now see “User has been deleted” where the conversation once was. I may have to contact POF about this. Perhaps ask them to add something to their code that differentiates between if the person was deleted by staff or deleted it themselves.

I wouldn’t care so much if I lived in a big city….but I do not.

——-

For the record, no, haven’t found a man. Just tired of it all…until I get bored again and go back on. I did get a little offended when a guy sent me a message saying,

“You’ve been on here a long time, what’s wrong with you?”

Ha! More like what’s wrong with you?!? …and the rest of the hard drug smoking, jobless, sex crazed men which is the epitome of what this area has to offer. This guy listed himself as “unimployed” , had a complete list of all the video games he likes to play and had a picture of himself with drug paraphernalia in the background.

Yep, what’s wrong with me….

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Slap You Silly

I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about some of the things guys do when dating that makes me want to slap them silly. So, here is a list.

Guys who say they love to try new things but WON’T try new things….I’m going to slap you silly.

Men who think they are better than you just because they have a nicer car, yet live with their parents…oh you bet I want to slap you silly.

The guys who think that they still look like they did 10 years ago. Are you kidding? Really? I look at the picture, washboard abs, I look at you, beer belly. Really? Slapping you silly is a must. Or maybe someone already did if you think you still look like that!

The guys who think they are ready to date when they are only separated from their wives(if at all) for two weeks. Not only am I going to slap you silly, so is YOUR wife! Because that’s what you just called her on our first date. WTF!?!

The guys who call me a bitch for telling them I WON’T have sex with them after them sending me ONE message telling me they like my legs. Yeah, every woman should slap you silly….. in the junk….with a hammer. Just sayin’.

The guys who send messages out to so many women they don’t Remember who they have messaged before….and been rejected. Not only am I going to slap you silly but your keyboard should too…and your mother who lives upstairs.

Just when I think I’m about done, I can’t forget the guys who send messages just after the bars close and are trolling the dating sites for sex. If you’re that fucking ugly that you can’t pick up a leftover at the bar….you need to slap YOURSELF! When I say Ugly I’m not talking about looks. It means your personality and attitude is so horrible that even the drunkest chick wouldn’t come home with you. It’s not like she could see anyway!

So..in conclusion, there are lots of reasons why men need to have hand prints on their faces. Any men out there have reasons why women should be slapped silly? What do we do that makes us slap/spank worthy? Ha…see what I did there? I said SPANK..which most men associate with sex….they have forgotten what they were mad about. 😛

There may be a time when I will add to this list, any suggestions?

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The Disappearing Act

Have you ever started talking to someone from online or otherwise where it’s an almost daily thing. You get to know their schedule and when or when not to expect messages. You’re getting to know each other and sometimes the conversations can lead way past when you should be sleeping for work in the morning. Also, they make sure to tell you that their phone is on them all the time so text any time.

Then…all of a sudden…nothing…or almost nothing. It’s gone from all the time to:

“Text me if you’re bored and I’ll ignore it like I’m busy.”

What happened? I mean, really…what happened?

It’s been my experience that when this happens the person has found someone else. In essence it means that even though the person was acting like they were into you, it also means they were still looking. Perhaps they were into you and someone better looking, more money, or nicer car came along. Or worse, the person was married or has a girlfriend.

I call this type of behaviour “The Disappearing Act.” No one really knows why it happens. All I know for sure is that it wastes my time….which for anyone who knows me it screams DISRESPECT. Sure, I’ve been entertained by the conversation but it doesn’t mean I’m doing it for the good of my health.

I’ve had it where someone will talk to me for a week on the dating site then go silent, yet they still appear online. After another week I get a random message from the person with their phone number. You know what I did? I ignored it. I didn’t message back or text their number. This is a classic example as the person using me as a back up. No, thanks, not interested.

Sadly, there is nothing we can do about this behaviour. We have to live with it as it comes but when it does, don’t condone it. Ignore the person if they contact you again or call them out. Everyone has emergencies and can’t be available all the time, but we aren’t talk about that.

Let’s take control and make it:

“Text me but I’m ignoring YOU because you’re a time wasting jerk!”

As always, comments, questions, orders for my non-existant book are always welcome. 😛

P.S. This behaviour is not limited to just men, us women do it too. I don’t. I just get classified as a bitch when I say I’m not interested.

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POF Creep – Photo Evidence

Creepy POF asshole

Seriously? I don’t even have to make this shit up!

This morning I got finished a 12hr night shift (7pm-7am) and realized that I had next to nothing for my kids school lunches. I headed over to Wal-Mart, picked up some things and went to the cash register. As I’m finished paying I just happened to look behind me. I recognized a man who has messaged me on Plenty of Fish (POF) a few times. I also know I have blocked him more than once because he kept asking to have sex with me. Needless to say I walked a little faster to my car than I normally would.

All of this he confirms in the above message. I was baffled to say the least. He sure seems to have lots of balls online but can’t bring himself to say anything to me in person….which I’m absolutely GLAD that he did not.

As much as this person sucks, I know not all men behave like him. Staying positive seems to be getting harder and harder though. That being said, right now this screenshot (the unedited one) is currently my profile picture on Plenty of Fish.

I think it’s one of the last steps of my giving up on meeting someone from online. It has worked for me in the past…but with the mainstreaming of it all brings all the idiots trying out a new fad. A new fad isn’t for everyone.

In conclusion, just because you have the App on your phone doesn’t mean you have to be a fucking dickhead. 😛

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Pro Tip – Lower Expectations

expections

Have you ever had a date where you were so disappointed that you just couldn’t believe it? It puts you in a negative mood and tends to ruin your whole day.

I want you to think about this. What made you so disappointed about this date? Was it that the person was a complete idiot? Was it that they didn’t look like their pictures? …..or was it that you expected something more?

This is the key. Your expectations. What can you really expect from someone you have never met? Your expectations is what makes you disappointed in what may or may not happen. Someone can promise the world to you before you meet, but you really don’t know if you’re even going to like that person past 5 minutes once you actually meet.

Take it from me, a self-proclaimed dating guru, if you lower your expectations to almost nothing then you will be a lot happier about your date. Instead of being unhappy about what you thought you might get, you will be able to enjoy the conversation and make a possible friend.

That being said, please don’t confuse lowering your expectations with lowering your standards. Never lower your standards!

Comments always welcome. 🙂

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10-Minute Meltdown

Totally reblogging this. It’s hilarious and just another example of what us women have to put up with!

Soon2BeCatLady

#31 has a friend who got to witness a 10-minute meltdown via OKCupid, and gave me permission to share.    I don’t know anything other than the messages that were received –  my assumption would be she wasn’t checking her messages every 30 seconds.

That being said, friends..  If you don’t have an ounce of patience in you, online dating is not for you.

7:57PM

“Hey 🙂

I think it’s cool you’re in publishing.  Do you ever think about using people for editing?  You could send me your book and I could look it over, we could get a bottle of wine and talk about how genius it is.  Or beer, since you seem to know your beers.  I know that’s a little forward, but you seem like the kind of girl who doesn’t take any bullshit.”

 

8:03PM – yes.. same day.

“Well you’re online but I guess you…

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