The Depths of Being Shallow

deepshallow

Picking and choosing who and what we are attracted to is up to us right? Some would argue yes and some would argue no.

If you said yes then you’re probably thinking that you like someone because of attributes you chose that you want. This could be anything from physical appearance, personality characteristics, or what kind of car they drive.

For those who say no you may have come to the realization that a lot of what we are attracted to has been environmentally ingrained in us from birth. Things we like/dislike in a person have been taught to us by our parents, caregivers, etc as we grew up. In this respect it means we naturally and unconsciously seek out what has been planted in our psyche. I know from experience that it is very difficult to deviate from our “attraction zone.”

Sadly, this can also make us appear shallow. Can a man help that he prefers a woman with larger breasts? Can a woman help that she prefers a man who is taller than her?

Sometimes it just doesn’t matter how awesome a person is or how great their personality is. If you can’t imagine yourself eventually having sex with that person then there is no point in dating them.

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Crazy Revisited

crazy

Last night I tried something new in the way of meeting people. I had spent the day recovering from a night out (something I hadn’t done since New Years Eve) as well texting some friends while in and out of consciousness from the severe hangover. I want to add that I remember why I don’t do this. I wasted a perfectly good Sunday in bed…by myself! To make a longer story short, once I was mobile, I was bored.

Before long I was bathed and on my way to a small town not far from where I live. I was invited to hang out with a friend of mine and his friend. My friend made it sound like he was trying to set me up with his friend…and I thought, what the hell? Let’s give it a shot!

I get to the place where they were at, have a seat and greet them. The fucked up part is that I know BOTH of them…my friend…and his friend, which is a CRAZY I met about a year ago.

Just freakin’ Perfect.

All I got from my friend(who is military) was that his friend was ex-military, his first name and that he was single. I should have asked more….but due to trusting my friend I didn’t feel like I needed to.

Sigh.

So here’s the story about Mr. Crazy.

We met on one of the dating sites and eventually met for coffee that led to lunch that same day. As it was a week day and kids were in school I even ended up taking him out to the private beach I know of. The conversation was good and normal…except for the fact that he was on a short medical leave from the military due to a severe concussion. Hmm… after meeting Mr. Head Injury this information should have given me a clue. We parted ways with a hug and a promise to contact.

I got contacted alright. I didn’t hear anything for a few days and all of a sudden I started getting unsolicited dirty sexually explicit text messages from this man. As well he begged for naked pictures and promised to send me some in return. You know, this is something you might do with someone you are actually dating(depending on your comfort level)….not something you do with someone you have only met once.

Needless to say I gave him ROYAL SHIT and told him Never to contact me again. Two days later I get a message from him in which we have this conversation:

“Hey, how are you today, would you like to go for lunch?”

“Pardon me?”

“I think you’re awesome and thought we got along great. Don’t you think?”

“Do you not remember me telling you NOT to contact me after that bullshit two days ago?”

“What bullshit?”

“Really?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You asked for naked pictures of me and sent me explicit messages that I didn’t ask for?”

……..about 20 minutes go by before he answers finally.

“It must have been someone else, so how about that lunch?”

WTF?

No, I did not meet him for lunch…nor did I ever meet him again. This happened a couple more times where he seemed to have two different personalities…that doesn’t remember what the other did. One day I was at work and he “booty called” me while including a picture of his penis. WTF!?!  I believe I called him a disgusting pig and told him I was blocking his number. In which I promptly did.

So….there I was sitting beside my friend and across from Mr. Crazy. What the hell was I to do??

Apparently in the time it took for me to drive there,  Mr. Crazy had gleaned enough information from my friend to realize that he knew me. I’ll admit I was a little rude at first since the memories of his rudeness had come back to me.

“Hello….long time no see…”

“Ahh…you’re the crazy one…”  (and yes, I totally said that.)

He laughed it off and then came the awkward silence.

I decided it would be best to put out my hand say, “Let’s start again.” We shook hands and we all had some drinks. I ended up having to take my friend home because he had waaaay too much to drink. I was kind of glad for that as the conversation didn’t flow very well. I had asked about Mr. Crazy’s concussion and if that was why he left the military. He replied, “Oh…that was a bad time for me” then got really quiet. Hmm…yep, still crazy!

Looking back, this situation could have been worse. I was a little freaked out but I was there to have fun. I took the high/mature road and put the past behind me…well, long enough to write this blog the next day about it. 🙂

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7 Bad Date Exit Strategies

We’ve ALL been there. The Bad Date.

Sitting at a table across from your date and wondering how in the hell you’re going to get out of the situation. I’ve compiled a short list of ways to do this. Some require minimal pre-planning and some can be done on the fly. These are options that can be used when you don’t feel like saying to the person’s face:

” You’re a creepy bastard and you look NOTHING like your pictures. There’s no fucking way I want to stay another minute let alone EVER want to have sex with you.”

Most of us wouldn’t have the guts to say that in person so here’s what else you can do:

  1.  Go to the bathroom but don’t come back. This only works if you are seated where your date can’t see the bathroom AND the exit.
  2.  Tell your date you’re going to the bathroom. Do so but call/text a friend and ask them to call you in 10 minutes. Fake an emergency with your kids, parent or even your cat…despite if you even have kids or a cat.
  3. Download a free APP to your phone that will go off after a certain amount of time making it look you’re getting an emergency call or text. (Just in case you don’t have any friends…)
  4. Tell your date you didn’t get much sleep the night before and you have to work early in the morning.
  5. If you’re not in a coffee shop or restaurant where you can hide out in the bathroom, there is always the option to fake sick. You can say you weren’t feeling well before you arrived but didn’t want to stand the person up.
  6. Act like a total bitch/asshole, create a nervous twitch, pretend you have Tourette’s, or make up a strange OCD habit (count your steps and on every 5th step you clap 3 times)….all in an effort to make them think you’re screwed up and make THEM want to leave.
  7. Last but not least, if you’re really not sure about the date you can show up early and wait for the person to show up. Once you see them and it’s already clear you don’t want to be there, leave.

When it’s all said and done it’s best not to leave the person hanging. Dishonesty sucks and sadly these exit strategies use it. If the person seemed ok but you just weren’t interested. It’s best to text/e-mail then by the next day to tell them your lack of interest. If the person TOTALLY lied about everything, my BLOCK/DELETE method works just fine!

As well, stick with something short like a walk or coffee. You don’t want to get stuck in the situation where I write about Why I Don’t Do Dinner on a First Date.

Bad Date Bingo

Bad Date Bingo

Do you have any other ideas for exiting a bad date? Let me know in the comment section on the blog, Facebook or Twitter.

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Video Introduction – It’s me!

I have no idea what made me think it was a good idea to make a video. I probably did about 52….hundred takes before I got one that I was semi-happy with. No editing, no camera crew….just me being me. Let me know what you all think other than I look pretty pastey….lack of sun and make up know-how makes Another Single Woman look like…well, you’ll see. 🙂

There you have it. Any questions or comments, let me know. 🙂

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Broke or Sexually Frustrated?

I was at work last night and to say the least it was a long night. As I’m a multi-tasker my head is always thinking of things I might want to write about. On my break I made myself laugh with this addition to Twitter:

Then I wondered, which one would I rather if I could choose….I’m still sitting on the fence when it comes to this one. For shits and giggles I made my first poll. Which one would you choose? Add a comment and tell me and my readers why you made that choice. 🙂

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“User has been deleted.”

ARGH…

For those of you who use Plenty of Fish I’m sure you’ve all seen the title of this blog, “User has been deleted.” At first you think, what did that person do to be deleted? They seemed nice. You know what..they probably were, but they deleted their account of their own free will.

I deleted my Plenty of Fish account today (for the millionth time) and all the people I had talked to (and not blocked) now see “User has been deleted” where the conversation once was. I may have to contact POF about this. Perhaps ask them to add something to their code that differentiates between if the person was deleted by staff or deleted it themselves.

I wouldn’t care so much if I lived in a big city….but I do not.

——-

For the record, no, haven’t found a man. Just tired of it all…until I get bored again and go back on. I did get a little offended when a guy sent me a message saying,

“You’ve been on here a long time, what’s wrong with you?”

Ha! More like what’s wrong with you?!? …and the rest of the hard drug smoking, jobless, sex crazed men which is the epitome of what this area has to offer. This guy listed himself as “unimployed” , had a complete list of all the video games he likes to play and had a picture of himself with drug paraphernalia in the background.

Yep, what’s wrong with me….

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Slap You Silly

I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about some of the things guys do when dating that makes me want to slap them silly. So, here is a list.

Guys who say they love to try new things but WON’T try new things….I’m going to slap you silly.

Men who think they are better than you just because they have a nicer car, yet live with their parents…oh you bet I want to slap you silly.

The guys who think that they still look like they did 10 years ago. Are you kidding? Really? I look at the picture, washboard abs, I look at you, beer belly. Really? Slapping you silly is a must. Or maybe someone already did if you think you still look like that!

The guys who think they are ready to date when they are only separated from their wives(if at all) for two weeks. Not only am I going to slap you silly, so is YOUR wife! Because that’s what you just called her on our first date. WTF!?!

The guys who call me a bitch for telling them I WON’T have sex with them after them sending me ONE message telling me they like my legs. Yeah, every woman should slap you silly….. in the junk….with a hammer. Just sayin’.

The guys who send messages out to so many women they don’t Remember who they have messaged before….and been rejected. Not only am I going to slap you silly but your keyboard should too…and your mother who lives upstairs.

Just when I think I’m about done, I can’t forget the guys who send messages just after the bars close and are trolling the dating sites for sex. If you’re that fucking ugly that you can’t pick up a leftover at the bar….you need to slap YOURSELF! When I say Ugly I’m not talking about looks. It means your personality and attitude is so horrible that even the drunkest chick wouldn’t come home with you. It’s not like she could see anyway!

So..in conclusion, there are lots of reasons why men need to have hand prints on their faces. Any men out there have reasons why women should be slapped silly? What do we do that makes us slap/spank worthy? Ha…see what I did there? I said SPANK..which most men associate with sex….they have forgotten what they were mad about. 😛

There may be a time when I will add to this list, any suggestions?

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The Disappearing Act

Have you ever started talking to someone from online or otherwise where it’s an almost daily thing. You get to know their schedule and when or when not to expect messages. You’re getting to know each other and sometimes the conversations can lead way past when you should be sleeping for work in the morning. Also, they make sure to tell you that their phone is on them all the time so text any time.

Then…all of a sudden…nothing…or almost nothing. It’s gone from all the time to:

“Text me if you’re bored and I’ll ignore it like I’m busy.”

What happened? I mean, really…what happened?

It’s been my experience that when this happens the person has found someone else. In essence it means that even though the person was acting like they were into you, it also means they were still looking. Perhaps they were into you and someone better looking, more money, or nicer car came along. Or worse, the person was married or has a girlfriend.

I call this type of behaviour “The Disappearing Act.” No one really knows why it happens. All I know for sure is that it wastes my time….which for anyone who knows me it screams DISRESPECT. Sure, I’ve been entertained by the conversation but it doesn’t mean I’m doing it for the good of my health.

I’ve had it where someone will talk to me for a week on the dating site then go silent, yet they still appear online. After another week I get a random message from the person with their phone number. You know what I did? I ignored it. I didn’t message back or text their number. This is a classic example as the person using me as a back up. No, thanks, not interested.

Sadly, there is nothing we can do about this behaviour. We have to live with it as it comes but when it does, don’t condone it. Ignore the person if they contact you again or call them out. Everyone has emergencies and can’t be available all the time, but we aren’t talk about that.

Let’s take control and make it:

“Text me but I’m ignoring YOU because you’re a time wasting jerk!”

As always, comments, questions, orders for my non-existant book are always welcome. 😛

P.S. This behaviour is not limited to just men, us women do it too. I don’t. I just get classified as a bitch when I say I’m not interested.

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POF Creep – Photo Evidence

Creepy POF asshole

Seriously? I don’t even have to make this shit up!

This morning I got finished a 12hr night shift (7pm-7am) and realized that I had next to nothing for my kids school lunches. I headed over to Wal-Mart, picked up some things and went to the cash register. As I’m finished paying I just happened to look behind me. I recognized a man who has messaged me on Plenty of Fish (POF) a few times. I also know I have blocked him more than once because he kept asking to have sex with me. Needless to say I walked a little faster to my car than I normally would.

All of this he confirms in the above message. I was baffled to say the least. He sure seems to have lots of balls online but can’t bring himself to say anything to me in person….which I’m absolutely GLAD that he did not.

As much as this person sucks, I know not all men behave like him. Staying positive seems to be getting harder and harder though. That being said, right now this screenshot (the unedited one) is currently my profile picture on Plenty of Fish.

I think it’s one of the last steps of my giving up on meeting someone from online. It has worked for me in the past…but with the mainstreaming of it all brings all the idiots trying out a new fad. A new fad isn’t for everyone.

In conclusion, just because you have the App on your phone doesn’t mean you have to be a fucking dickhead. 😛

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Pro Tip – Lower Expectations

expections

Have you ever had a date where you were so disappointed that you just couldn’t believe it? It puts you in a negative mood and tends to ruin your whole day.

I want you to think about this. What made you so disappointed about this date? Was it that the person was a complete idiot? Was it that they didn’t look like their pictures? …..or was it that you expected something more?

This is the key. Your expectations. What can you really expect from someone you have never met? Your expectations is what makes you disappointed in what may or may not happen. Someone can promise the world to you before you meet, but you really don’t know if you’re even going to like that person past 5 minutes once you actually meet.

Take it from me, a self-proclaimed dating guru, if you lower your expectations to almost nothing then you will be a lot happier about your date. Instead of being unhappy about what you thought you might get, you will be able to enjoy the conversation and make a possible friend.

That being said, please don’t confuse lowering your expectations with lowering your standards. Never lower your standards!

Comments always welcome. 🙂

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