Tag Archives: coffee

It’s No Accident

NoAccident

I saw this word picture and it rung so true to me. It is especially true when it comes to dating. Every date and every person you meet has something to teach you even if you don’t realize it at the time. They could be teaching you something about yourself like I did in This post or it could be something totally random.

For example, I met a man about a month ago for coffee. We had absolutely no chemistry and parted ways never to contact each other again. That being said, he taught me how Not to set my Tim Hortons coffee cup on fire in the microwave at work. I tried the technique and it totally worked! I use it every shift! One of those things where you wonder how you didn’t think of it yourself but never quite pieced it together. (btw, I’m aware the cup says don’t microwave but I’m not allowed to leave work to get fresh coffee from the shop…and who likes cold coffee unless you specifically order it with ice!?!)

Have you ever learned something totally random from a date that you still use? Let me know in the comments or on the Facebook page. 🙂

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Filed under Dating, Single

Man/Boy Peaked in School

I was reminded in a comment on one of my last entries about another man I had met when I was newly single.

We had chatted a few times via Plenty of Fish and decided to meet. The man lived in Kingston (approximately 45mins away) but also spent a lot of weekends in my area. He said it was to visit family and friends so he could keep in touch.

We met at a local Tim Hortons. First thing I noticed was that he didn’t really look like his picture. I was rusty at the whole dating thing but I should have known better when he only had one picture. The place was very busy so we decided to sit in his car. We got in and I noticed two big garbage bags in the back seat. I asked what that was about and joked about there being a body in there. He replied that it was his laundry. Hmm…

We chatted in his car for about 45 minutes, rather, I tried to chat with him. All this man could talk about was what he did in university. I would have understood if he had just graduated but that had happened 6 years prior. He had taken environmental sciences and even started to get into what types of experiments they had done. Snore… No, I didn’t ask about that. The whole time I was trying to make comments that would lead to a real conversation. It didn’t work.

To make a longer story short. The information I gleaned from this man is that he rents a room in Kingston from an old woman. He’s on his third internship in his field but it pays minimal. He comes home on the weekends because his mom does his laundry, cooks for him and sends him back with leftovers. That would be acceptable if the man was 24 or 25. He was 33.

(Recap about me: At this time I was 30, had owned a house for 9 years, had two kids, was going to college and had a job.)

It dawned on me that this man was acting like he was still in university, hence why it was all he could talk about. He didn’t seem to be taking life seriously at all. He seemed quite happy to let his mom take care of him and not try to get a better paying job. I think his internships fizzled out to no job because I think his bosses must have been the same thing I did in 45 minutes. He had no drive!

He asked me out again and I declined. I had no interest in taking the place if this man’s mom.

It’s over 2 years later and I still see this man on Plenty of Fish. He’s still using the same one picture that is now at least 4 years old.

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

He Has a Head Injury

We all meet those people where there is just no connection when it comes to dating or even friends. What do we do with these people? If they seem interested in you it’s not really fair to string them along. I’ve learned that the best way is to let them down gently…although if they don’t accept it graciously then that’s when I get pissed off.

Here is an example that happened to me about a year ago:

I met a man off Plenty of Fish who once again seemed all good on paper. We texted a bit then had a phone conversation. That went well (except I thought his voice was very monotone) so we had decided to meet. As I was on night shift that weekend we met for coffee after my shift ended at 7am.

This is where things went a little awry. We met and thankfully he did look like his pictures. When we started to talk it was a bit like pulling teeth. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he may have been nervous. After a short while he started to open up….to tell me ALL the SAME stories he had told me on the phone. There was a lot of “yep, you told me that already.”

Apparently the man had suffered a head injury and I wish I was joking about this. He had been doing training for a policing position and had gotten injured. He had to forego the rest of the training…but apparently was all good when it came to the military, his current profession. He can’t pull people over to give them tickets but he’s allowed to shoot weapons…..what? He had explained, twice now, that the head injury effected his memory.

To make a longer story short the man had zero personality. Every time I tried to talk about something he would refer back to one of his limited stories and like a broken record go into the full story again. The “Get me out here” factor was definitely engaged. After an hour I politely told him I had to go so I could sleep for my shift that Saturday night.

I wake up to get ready for my shift on the Sunday night and read this text message on my phone:

“I haven’t really heard from you. Don’t you like me?” (paraphrasing as this was a year ago)

Now it’s obvious to you all, I didn’t…but since he’s just not my type, I was nice.

“It was really great meeting you but I don’t feel we have a whole lot in common. I’m open to being friends if you like.”

His reply:

“Oh, I see. That’s ok. I’ve already met someone else and I like her better. She’s younger and prettier…and the kids thing kind of freaks me out.”

WHAT? Oh no…he didn’t. Oh…but he did. We definitely aren’t going to be friends especially after my reply to this intentionally hurtful message. I set up my phone to be able to block his number immediately after I send him this message:

“Wow, that was cowardly. I sent you a respectful message and that is what you send me? I’m going show you the same respect you showed me and tell you exactly what I think about you. I think you’re Dumb as Fuck. Your head injury effected more than just your memory. Don’t bother replying. You number will be blocked as soon as I hit send.”

Juvenile on my part, maybe. I don’t usually stoop down to an idiots level, but I felt at that time it was warranted. The nerve that he insult not only my age, looks and the fact that I have kids…ALL of which he knew before he met me.

On to the next…

——————

UPDATE:

This guy recently contacted me again via Plenty of Fish. His message said hello and told me that he as single again after dating a girl for 10 months. I simply replied with,

“Are you that whacked to think I would really give a shit?”

I waited about 30 seconds to make sure the message had gone through…then I Blocked him. The only thing about that is once I block someone and I have sent a message, I don’t know for sure if they get the message. Ahh well, drama averted!

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Mr. Cling-on

A week or so ago I started talking to a man who sounded great on paper. He is super nice, cute, has a great job, his own house, his own vehicle(s)….except that he’s recently separated/single. So recent that upon creeping his Facebook I saw that his relationship status had only changed from Married to Single on the 3rd of September. Damn. I also was able to read some of his wall posts about the break up and his comments about how he still wished he could make it work with his now ex. Double Damn.

I don’t know which part of me raised her voice that day (the bitch or the helper) but I decided I was going to call him out on it. By this time we were communicating via text message. I told him I had just finished reading all the recent posts on his Facebook and asked him how I was to interpret it all. I didn’t hear anything back…leaving me to think I creeped him out. Not the case. He texts back after a half an hour to tell me he’s deleted all those posts and comments as well as his wedding pictures (yeah, I noticed those too…) and that he definitely is single and moving on.

I told him straight up that he hasn’t been single long enough and that I can’t date him because of it. I truly believe there are stages a person has to go though after a long term relationship before they can move on to someone new. I will write about that in another post.

A few days go by and I find myself with a Saturday night to myself, no kids and plans that had fallen through. I told him this and we agreed to meet for coffee. He buys my coffee (despite my having my money in hand) and we settle into his truck to talk. (I’m not a fan of sitting in the coffee shop since other people tend to listen.)

Now I almost never about exes but since his separation is so new I know it’s the only thing on his mind. We talk about various subjects but as suspected, the exes, his and mine, keep coming up. I mentioned mine since I’ve been single longer and I was trying to tell/show him how the progression from animosity to civil can and will happen (unless the person is a psycho). All in all a good conversation that lasted a few hours.

I made a mistake here though. I became bored with the setting and decided to change it. We took a drive in my car and I specifically called it an adventure. There are many beaches close to the area where we both live but you have to pay to get in and always closed after dark. By this time I have a good sense that this guy won’t try to kill me. So…I decide the adventure is going to take us to a private beach that I know. We walked along the beach and a couple of times I think he tried to initiate physical contact. I ignored it and wrote it off as him bumping into me. Looking back on it now, the beach could have been deemed as romantic since the stars looked absolutely Amazing that night.

It was late when I dropped him back off at his car. I purposely didn’t get out so that he didn’t try to hug me. If you haven’t guessed by now, no spark…doused by his length of time being single.

I get home at 2am and at 2:15am he texts me to tell me he had a good time….and that he’s on the phone with his Mother telling her ALL about me. Umm…what? He then goes on to tell me how beautiful, awesome, mature, and smart I am. Of which I reply with, “Thanks.” Kind of felt like the exchange when someone says “I love you” way too soon. Now I’m freaked out! What 32-year-old man calls his mother at 2 something in the morning to tell her about someone he just met that night. Mama’s boy? Oh no..

From then on and throughout the week I half ignore his texts. I remind him again that I can’t  date him because he is too newly single. He constantly asks how I am and sends texts at inappropriate times. (Like when I’m sleeping during the day and he Knows I’m working night shift.) Friday comes and he asks how I am, again…and I reply that I’m miserable. I explain how my car is in the shop and he offers to let me drive his truck until it’s fixed. Umm…what? Really? I politely decline even though it’s a nice truck, but no, I haven’t known him long enough to accept offers like that. Plus, who offers something like that to someone they have met only once?

I haven’t closed the book on this one yet since he does have potential to become a friend. Someone who tells him like it is seems to be what this man needs…and maybe someone to show him the ropes of being single since his Facebook has been overly dramatic with the “lonely” posts. Believe me, I called him out on that too.

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Filed under Dating, Divorce, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

If I found a guy I loved as much as my Smartphone…

Love of a Smartphone

I actually made this Ecard just to be funny and so I could post it on my Facebook wall. I got a lot of responses to it.

When I think about what I actually wrote, it’s true. If I could meet a man who could multitask as much as my Smartphone can (and Does) then I would totally marry him. No one is perfect (even my phone since I Hate onscreen texting!) but in this day and age there is no reason why some people can be as lazy as they are.

Sending a text to say you are going to be late, making a phone call to reserve a table, or even an e-mail with the right directions to a meeting place. These are all things that are so easily done with the smallest devices. That being said, why have I been left waiting outside somewhere because someone is late? Why have I been stuck eating an appetizer at the bar because a table wasn’t reserved? Why have I ended up at the wrong location? This is a perfect example where the “small things” turns into the “Big things”.

I added the Upgrade part as an afterthought since who doesn’t like to switch things up once in a while. Although, I have been known to hold onto technology way past it’s prime just for the simple fact that it still does what I need it to do….the same goes for a man. Why fix what isn’t broken? If it is broken and can’t be fixed, why do we have to keep it?

We don’t, just saying..

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I’ll screw you if you can spell…

grammar-spelling-benefit-cosmetics-ecards-someecardsI saw this ecard and I just about spit out my coffee. Not because it’s true but I it raises some issues that come up when it comes to meeting people online.

I’m sure we’ve all had the messages where the person can’t spell even the most simple words right or they appear drunk. Although messages after 1AM might very well be alcohol induced.

I have found I absolutely pay more attention to someone who can send a nice message without my having to decipher what has been typed. Even if I’m not interested I will reply back thanking them for the nice message.

The sad part about this detail is that the person who sends this message might in person actually be articulate. In a real conversation you can’t see how someone spells what they are saying. For this reason I have taken to looking at certain aspects of a person before trying to judge their text too much, namely their location, if they have a job and if they are hot enough. Since if they are hot we all tend to forgive some faults. Yes, I said it.

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Romance is just….where?

image

This was my fortune from having lunch today. Do I have to be in a specific area code for this to work or could it be expired….

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Can’t Buy Me…

In about May of this year I met a man who seemed like he had his ducks all in a row. He told me he operated 3 medical clinics, 2 in my town and 1 Toronto. I misunderstood “operated” for “managed”. I learned after the fact that he owns them. He was also in the process of moving here from Toronto and only been separated for 6 months. In the split he said he was awarded the family cottage to live until he bought a house here. Right…

After a few chats back and forth I accepted his invitation for a coffee. I went against my own judgement and met him a local play park since he had his youngest son with him. We were able to talk a bit while he played with his son but not enough that I could get any definite good or bad vibe from him. He seemed normal enough. I left after an hour and only because I felt bad that I was taking time away from his son.

He texted me later that day and asked if I could come to his house for coffee once his son was in bed. After some deliberation I agreed to make my arrival for 9:30PM.

I will set the stage a bit here. The area that he lives is known as cottage country. I’m following my GPS, driving slowly as there aren’t street lights out there and a possibility of wildlife on the country roads. I’m checking out all the quaint little cottages and thinking I’m probably in for coffee in front of warm wood stove.

That was not the case. I turned town a road where I immediately noticed that the standard of living was MUCH higher and the “cottages” were MUCH bigger. Within minutes my GPS tells me I’m at my destination. I looked up to what I could only describe as a “mansion-type” house. OH MY GOD…No way, I had to be at the wrong place. Then I saw him waving from the window. Yep, I’m there.

I parked beside a shiny black Escalade….which he certainly wasn’t driving when I met him. I entered the “cottage” to notice all hardwood floors, granite counter tops in the kitchen…and oh look, an enormous boat in the back yard. He then offered to make me espresso from the machine that is stationed on the counter…since that’s a regular thing in a swanky cottage. I opted for hot chocolate…which for the record was Organic….who buys Organic hot chocolate? Really?

I think what I’m getting at is that despite being a nice man…this kind of life style isn’t for me. I’m not the type of woman who can easily be wined and dined. After an hour or so I left and did some contemplating. He told me he wanted to see me again the next weekend. The kicker was when he said he couldn’t find someone to watch his son so his ex was going to come down that weekend. He wanted to confirm plans with me so he could “book” some time away. Pardon me? Book? I declared my suspicions at this time that he’s not really separated. He insisted that he was and that I could meet his “wife” if I wished.

Hell No. What?

I’m a working woman. I own my house and as such my kids and I live pretty well. Not mansion and Escalade well…but well enough. I’m sorry, but I can’t be proud to be the rebound after this man’s marriage fell apart. I ended up writing him a Dear John type of e-mail than told him he needs to be single for a lot longer but that if he so wishes I’m sure he can find someone who will enjoy all he wants to spend on them. I also mentioned that I didn’t feel like we were in the same social class because he was worried about making time for dance lessons and way his huge bay window was installed….where I worry about a balloon payment on my house and living paycheque to paycheque.

On to the next….as much as my mother and friends are telling me not to….damn morals!

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