Tag Archives: money

Was it Her or Was it Me? It was HIM!

Men need to read this!

Was It Her Or Was It Me? The Douche In Me That I Don’t See

 

Men have to get that bringing up other women insults your date. Women don’t get jealous since it’s just a first date, it’s because the man is openly comparing us to other women. Keep that shit to yourself! We get nervous enough and the key is to make your date feel comfortable to want to open up….not create a competition.

I’ve met a few guys described in that post and I still get a text or two once in a while from them asking me out again.

I don’t reply.

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Filed under Dating, Online Dating, POF, Single

I can’t date you because I’m broke.

Over the last couple of days I’ve had a lot of messages from men on both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. More than usual. I am still getting the sex requests and the occasional penis picture but they for the most part they are easily ignored, blocked, deleted.

Some of the men I’ve received messages from actually do seem like they could be decent. That being said, I’ve picked them apart in some way where I’ve deemed them not worthy.

  • I don’t like their pictures.
  • They spelled too many things wrong in their profile.
  • Take your damn sunglasses off for once!
  • You live to far away.
  • You make too much money.
  • You’re too good-looking………….

Wait a second here… those last two I listed jolted an epiphany. Too much money and too good-looking has NOTHING to do with them being worthy……but has ALL to do with if I think I am worthy of them.

As most people try to do, I show people the real me. I’m often told I’m funny, sexy, out-going and people just don’t understand how or why I’m single. I’ve even had messages from guys on the dating sites asking why I’m on there since I’m obviously not unfortunate looking. I always reply that being a single mom and working full-time doesn’t allow for me to meet people the usual way. (What exactly is the “usual” way nowadays?)

I think I’ve figured it out. It all really does come down to worth. Not personal worth, but financial.

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to any one who reads this but divorce can be expensive.  Especially when you allow your ex to use your credit cards (that only have your name on it) and rack them up. It was fine when you were together and he made payments….but can you guess what happened when you split? ……yeah. Then add at that time I had just gone back to college to start a new career while managing two kids and a house. Do you think those credit cards got paid? Absolutely not. I’m quite embarrassed about it.

What I have circling in my head right now is that perhaps I’m not giving decent men a fair chance because I think I’m not worthy financially. Will they think I’m a bad person because the mountain of debt I have with a possible bankruptcy in my future. It’s almost like I’m waiting for myself to be in the black before I can give a decent guy a chance.

I posed a question today to a man I had met online who I still talk to. Strangely enough he’s actually a financial planner.

I asked, “Would you date a woman knowing she has a mountain of debt of which she will most likely have to claim bankruptcy even though it in no way will effect you?”

“Of course.”

“Really?”

“But I couldn’t get too serious about riding off into the sunset with somebody that insists on ending up broke. I would have to see some changes.”

And there it is…my fears materialized right in front of my eyes. It was my own stupidity that got me in this mess so it’s not like I meant for it to happen. Despite bankruptcy I will still own my house, still own my car, still have a job and everything else that is good. It will still be a black mark or a red flag for some people. I guess the first person who needs to learn to get passed it is me.

Perhaps this warrants an experiment: Create a profile airing my dirty laundry but on a positive note and see what kinds of responses I get. (Probably list myself across the country though. lol)

Thoughts and comments welcome!

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Filed under Dating, Love, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Part 2 – Embracing Single Life

I posted yesterday about how you should embrace being single and last night was a perfect example of what could happen if you do.

I was supposed to meet my co-workers at a local restaurant where we usually sit at the bar, have some food and drinks then head over to the strip club across the street afterwards.

By 8pm I’m ready and I haven’t heard from either of the two guys I usually hang out with. 8:30pm rolls around and I say “screw it” and go by myself. I show up at 9pm, have a seat at the end of the bar and order my drink and a menu. I’m a couple of seats down from a really nice looking man who is chatting with the guy beside him. I order my food then look up when I hear the man ask me how I am. The guy he was talking to apparently had left.

I was shocked at first but was friendly as it was better than looking down at my smart phone and pretending to ignore everyone around me. I wasn’t there to be anti-social. We chatted lightly and found out he’s from out of town. Not only that but he’s in town because the company he owns produces equipment that the company I work for just bought. He’s here to help with trial runs of the equipment. Small world!

In chatting I find out all sorts of things about him…like he’s married. Which is fine with me since I’m not looking to pick up, especially someone from out of town. One of my co-workers finally shows up at 10:30pm (he slept in) since I had texted him to get his butt there. By this time I’m on my 4th cocktail, had a huge plate of nachos and having a great time talking with this guy. I make introductions and we all end up chatting about work while their beer flows and I have another cocktail.

The restaurant is closing at 11:30pm and my co-worker and I are surprised when Mr. Man says he’s paying for it ALL. Apparently since he owns his company and we work for the company he is here for….it’s ALL going his expense account. Well…we were both shocked and thanked him. I totally ate and got drunk for free with all intentions of paying for it.

We then headed across the street to the strip club and Mr. Man paid for all the drinks there too. I only had two more since I was already feeling it by that time. Through out the night he had regaled us with stories of his travels all over the world with his company. Lots of laughs and stories all around with a total stranger. We thanked him profusely (since just weren’t used to that type of thing) for the hospitality and he thanked us for keeping him company.

The fact that this all happened because I decided to go out alone makes me feel good. It shows that being comfortable with yourself and your singleton status can only lead to good things.

Now…only if Mr. Man lived in this town and wasn’t married. 😛

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Filed under Dating, Single

Can’t Buy Me…

In about May of this year I met a man who seemed like he had his ducks all in a row. He told me he operated 3 medical clinics, 2 in my town and 1 Toronto. I misunderstood “operated” for “managed”. I learned after the fact that he owns them. He was also in the process of moving here from Toronto and only been separated for 6 months. In the split he said he was awarded the family cottage to live until he bought a house here. Right…

After a few chats back and forth I accepted his invitation for a coffee. I went against my own judgement and met him a local play park since he had his youngest son with him. We were able to talk a bit while he played with his son but not enough that I could get any definite good or bad vibe from him. He seemed normal enough. I left after an hour and only because I felt bad that I was taking time away from his son.

He texted me later that day and asked if I could come to his house for coffee once his son was in bed. After some deliberation I agreed to make my arrival for 9:30PM.

I will set the stage a bit here. The area that he lives is known as cottage country. I’m following my GPS, driving slowly as there aren’t street lights out there and a possibility of wildlife on the country roads. I’m checking out all the quaint little cottages and thinking I’m probably in for coffee in front of warm wood stove.

That was not the case. I turned town a road where I immediately noticed that the standard of living was MUCH higher and the “cottages” were MUCH bigger. Within minutes my GPS tells me I’m at my destination. I looked up to what I could only describe as a “mansion-type” house. OH MY GOD…No way, I had to be at the wrong place. Then I saw him waving from the window. Yep, I’m there.

I parked beside a shiny black Escalade….which he certainly wasn’t driving when I met him. I entered the “cottage” to notice all hardwood floors, granite counter tops in the kitchen…and oh look, an enormous boat in the back yard. He then offered to make me espresso from the machine that is stationed on the counter…since that’s a regular thing in a swanky cottage. I opted for hot chocolate…which for the record was Organic….who buys Organic hot chocolate? Really?

I think what I’m getting at is that despite being a nice man…this kind of life style isn’t for me. I’m not the type of woman who can easily be wined and dined. After an hour or so I left and did some contemplating. He told me he wanted to see me again the next weekend. The kicker was when he said he couldn’t find someone to watch his son so his ex was going to come down that weekend. He wanted to confirm plans with me so he could “book” some time away. Pardon me? Book? I declared my suspicions at this time that he’s not really separated. He insisted that he was and that I could meet his “wife” if I wished.

Hell No. What?

I’m a working woman. I own my house and as such my kids and I live pretty well. Not mansion and Escalade well…but well enough. I’m sorry, but I can’t be proud to be the rebound after this man’s marriage fell apart. I ended up writing him a Dear John type of e-mail than told him he needs to be single for a lot longer but that if he so wishes I’m sure he can find someone who will enjoy all he wants to spend on them. I also mentioned that I didn’t feel like we were in the same social class because he was worried about making time for dance lessons and way his huge bay window was installed….where I worry about a balloon payment on my house and living paycheque to paycheque.

On to the next….as much as my mother and friends are telling me not to….damn morals!

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