Tag Archives: morals

OKCupid: What do I like best about my body? What?

okcupidass2

I received this message Saturday. As you can see the screenshot was taken at 7:36pm and 29 minutes earlier this man tells me he “has a glow on”. Already? Wow, that’s a bit early…even for a Saturday.

What do I like best about my body? How about the fact that my body is 3 hours away from this idiot. I promptly blocked him after my response.  I don’t have time to entertain boys.

As I stated in my response, it’s not acceptable to start a conversation like this just because it’s online and I can’t see the person. The only way I can see this being OK is if I’m hammered at the bar with puke in my hair and one boob hanging out my top.

Otherwise, no. Get some Internet Etiquette (netiquette)  skills people if you intend to use it!

I may have brought myself down to his level a bit by telling him to get a life and calling him an idiot…perhaps this working 6 nights a week thing is taking it’s toll. Or maybe I’m just a bitch. 😛 Take your pick. 🙂

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Plenty of Fish Antics with Pics!

I have often complained using Facebook, Twitter or directly to my friends about what people do (or don’t do) when they are attempting to meet people online. I’ve started documenting some of this on my phone using the Screen Capture function. I’ve modified the screen shots to hide the person’s username and face for their privacy. I didn’t hide me…well, because you all know it’s me! 🙂

I want you to look closely at this picture. First I was taking a picture of the fact that once again another man has made the typo of “women” instead of “woman”. pof1Second. I noticed that he says he’s looking to find someone to marry. I have often wondered if these men subliminally don’t know what they want so they type “women” and their brain just doesn’t register the typo. I have seen it A LOT so it’s not just this guy.

 

pof2Here we have a classic example of either someone who is Really new to online dating or is just lazy. I do realize that not every person is going to respond to every message they get but at least try to put some effort into it. Saying just “hi” or “hello” is not acceptable. That being said, I have received the opposite before as well. I’ve had people send me paragraphs  in a First message where I had to reply that I wasn’t interested for whatever reason (distance, etc). Sadly, due to my frustration with these people I sometimes reply in a bit of a bitchy manner. You see this in this message and will see more of it in some other screen shots. In his profile he lists that he has a Masters Degree and bunch of other intellectual “stuff”. Impressive but what’s he going to do? Walk around with his degree stapled to his shirt and hope it gets him past the awkward moment when all he says is “Hi.” ???

 

pof3This guy here lists himself as wanting a relationship. His profile seemed decent and he looked good too so I figured I might as well send a message. It wasn’t long before he kept trying to carry the conversation in a different direction. As you can see from the screen shot I called him out on it. It’s no wonder us women get confused then get defensive when a real man messages us. Yes, the messages were happening after midnight but it was a Tuesday night and I was at work….so it’s less likely the guy was drunk…less likely but who knows!

 

 

 

pof4I am not going to judge someone for not having a car. In this day and age cars/gas are getting more and more expensive. I have dated men who do not have cars but they usually lived in the same city as myself. Lately I’ve had many men from all over (20km and more) message me and want to meet me yet they have no mode of transportation. They either expect that since I have car that I’m going to come get them or they offer me money for the gas. I’m sorry but I am Not a taxi. When it comes to something like that I expect 50/50. Gas money and driving time…because Time is a HUGE deal when you’re a parent.

 

 

 

pof5This man is in his early 40’s and I normally wouldn’t have seen his profile but he had checked me out. I clicked on it and he had only the one picture on his profile. Classic bathroom picture yet he’s wearing Sunglasses. So, being the bitch that you all know I can be, I call him out on it. He says he wants casual/no commitment and writes that he’s looking for “fun excursions”. We all know what that means… He tries to explain himself out of it but I’m not buying it at all. He then shared with me another picture where he looked NOTHING like his original picture…as in way older and heavier. I don’t care if a man is burly. It looks good on most men…but don’t hide yourself and think it’s going to be ok when the person finally see what you Really look like. Everyone deserves to be loved but no one deserves to be lied to!

 

pof6pof7 There is just NO helping this guy. He seems to think it’s perfectly OK to tell a woman he’s only just started talking to that his “Junk” is “hairless”. Wow, as you can see I was quite surprised to read that. Where he says he’s sorry in the first message I had just finished explaining that certain comments come across badly over text.

Well, I hope you all got a good laugh at some of the stuff I’ve had to deal with. I’m starting to think I should try speed dating as this online thing doesn’t seem to be working out. 😛

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I’m feeling….

men-feelings

I want to talk about feelings today. A lot of women don’t have a problem talking about their feelings but when it comes to men….umm, no, not happening.

It’s to the point where when I do meet a man who does express their feelings I don’t actually believe him. It makes me feel overwhelmed because my brain doesn’t know how to process it all.

I’ll give an example. A while back I met a man who would compliment me constantly. I’m talking in person, through text message, etc …and it wasn’t just about my physical appearance. I had to ask him to stop. I didn’t know how to take it.

Now those aren’t necessarily feelings but what are was how this man reacted to everything. If something made him happy, sad or angry, he expressed it through his words…not all in his actions. This was a new one for me. After much thought I realized I LIKED it! There was SO much less for me to try to figure out and so much more for me to enjoy because of it.

Finally! A man who understood that I’m not freakin’ mind reader!

The sad part is that due life things didn’t work out with his man. No fault to either one of us. In turn I learned that this is a quality in a man that I would like. I realize that a man who can express his feelings is rare but there has GOT to be some more out there!

For anyone reading this…point me in the Right direction and I’ll be ALL over that!

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Part 2: Mr. Multiple Underlying Issues

The big weekend finally comes and we are both super excited. I arrive shortly after 5pm on the Friday and everything seemed as it should. Sam cooked me dinner and even baked a pie, store bought, but still, the thought is what counted here. He had even picked up a case of 4 of my favorite vodka coolers.

I have to mention that Sam has a cat. He is very fond of his cat and I think he may spend a little to much time alone with him. To the point where he may baby talk in a high pitched voice to the cat A LOT. It was something I tried to ignore and thought maybe he was just trying to get the cat to be comfortable with me being in his apartment. Maybe…

After dinner we decide it would be fun to visit the Adult Fun Superstore (AFS) as I had never been to one before. We probably spent a good hour browsing the store and I was quite surprised at how busy it was on a snowy Friday night in Ottawa.

After getting back we settled in for a cozy night together. I got into the coolers and Sam into his beer. We got to talking about the POF event he suggested we go to. He told me he went to the one in December because he was meeting someone there. He said it was lucky for me that it didn’t work out because he was able to meet me. He then pulled out his phone and proceeded to show me the woman’s picture. Hmm…odd. I shook it off because the pic was on POF, not on his actual phone. We had both hidden our profiles at this point but not yet deleted them. We had talked about it though.

The next morning Sam made breakfast for us and we laid around until noon before getting ready to go out. The plan for the afternoon was go skating on the canal but the weather wasn’t co-operating. It was a mix of rain and snow. Yuck! The hockey game Sam wanted to see was starting at 3:30pm and we were at the pub for 2pm. The place quickly was packed with hockey fans. Many drinks were had although I never really got drunk due to how busy the place actually was. I guess I could have ordered two at a time but that wouldn’t have been very classy, now would it? 😛

Now, speaking of class. At one point Sam turns to me during one of the intermissions and asks, “What’s the oldest you’ve been with?”

I reply, “Do you mean the oldest I’ve had sex with?”

He nods.

I reply, “36 or 37, I believe.”

“Oh,” then turns to watch the game.

You can’t just ask a question like that and leave it like that…so I ask…a couple times…what was with that? So I ask him, “What’s the oldest you’ve been with?”

He shakes his head as if he doesn’t want to answer.

I decide to throw a number out so I say, “50?”

He looks at me and gestures with his thumb pointing up, indicating older. Umm..what?

He never did give an exact age but I’m going to guess 55ish. He explained that he was lonely last Christmas and had gone to a bar for a few drinks. He met this woman and she was hot despite her age and ended up taking her home with him. Nice…

First off I’m wondering why I need to know all this. We’ve all had past lovers, but I really didn’t need to know this. Second, I’m a little grossed out, just a little. That was pretty freakin’ random…or so I thought.

We go back to watching the game and thankfully our food came around that time. I shook off the odd conversation and went back to having a good time. Senators won so everyone was happy and there were no riots in the street. I say that since the you could have sworn it was a play off game on how packed this place was!

We got back to his place approximately 7pm and as we’ve had drinks all afternoon we decide to have a little nap before the POF event. Nap, sex, whatever. It was all in there.

Later, we are showered and getting ready to go out, hanging around his computer listening to music on YouTube. We’re having a couple drinks and I see him clicking around on his desktop. He pulls up a picture of himself and another woman and says, “Hey, do you think you look like her?”

I don’t really want to ask this question but I have to, “Is she your ex?”

“Yep.”

“No, I don’t think I look like her, ” I replied.

“Well, I think you do.”

What.The.Fuck!?! I’m thinking this isn’t really happening. No, he didn’t just do and say that. My brain kicks into overdrive and I start wondering if this whole time (the 8 months to a year we’ve been chatting on POF) that he’s thought I look like his ex and that’s the only reason why he wanted to meet me.

Ok, so I’m a little ticked off. I tell him that I didn’t think that was appropriate. Sam then tells me it’s his last ex from 2 years ago that he dated for only 3 months. (3 months!) He apologizes but he doesn’t see to understand why I’m upset.

I go and sit in the living room and pretend I’m checking Twitter on my phone. No, I’m actually reeling back the last day and couple weeks in my head…and I’m not happy with what I discover.

In this time he gets his coat and boots on because he thinks we’re still going out. I get the idea in my head that perhaps more alcohol will tame my exploding mind and ease my anger.

Yeah, that’s always a good idea….right? Wrong.

Click HERE for Part 3…

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Part 2 – The One Who Got Away

Now my head is messed up. This entry is an update to the post I made yesterday entitled The One Who Got Away Just Contacted Me. I was super excited and totally freaking out about see him again.

Here goes…

I met him at that park where we went for a walk the first day we met. It’s also the same place where I do all of my rollerblading. He’s early…I had planned on getting there before him so I could try and relax while drinking my coffee. Considering he lives about 45 minutes away from me, the fact that he was early made me think he really must have wanted to see me.

He rode his sport bike and of course looked as handsome and sexy as ever. He hadn’t changed a bit. He asked for a hug first thing. His hug is strong and soft at the same time. The kind of hug where you feel safe. I could have melted. Damn, how does he have that effect on me?!?

We talked, laughed and caught up. We did go rollerblading for a short time. About 2kms or so. I say short since when I go on my own its usually at least 10kms. All the while I’m checking him out and wondering why is he here?

Afterwards we stop at my place to drop off his motorcycle and go out for lunch. He constantly complimented me about how great I look and how smart I am. He even mentioned that he doesn’t understand why or how I’m still single. This is where I mentioned that I now write this blog about my dating misadventures, even about the epiphany I had the other day. We even talked about why things didn’t work between us. Mainly the distance between us.

He instantly asked if I had written about him. I told him I did just that morning and he wanted to read it. Ah crap.. After a few minutes I get out my phone and let him read the post. He commented that he thought it was sweet and again how intelligent I am. I was slightly embarrassed that he got to have a glimpse into my head.

All the while we are talking and hanging out he looks at me right in the eyes. I swear this man has the most intense eyes. He looks Right at me and when he does I know, or at least think, he’s with me and his head isn’t anywhere else. I don’t know how he does it.

After lunch we somehow fit in some snuggle time on my couch. It felt like how we were before…although in my head I’m thinking it’s been over a year since I’ve physical seen this man and almost 5 months since we had any contact with each other (the June birthday text I sent). The connection and attraction was definitely still there.

Finally, he had to leave so that he could pick his daughter up from school. I ended up taking a short nap since my head was swimming (and still is). I needed a break.

I. Will. Not. Chase.

I swore I wasn’t going to text him first. Swore it. Even swore to my friend who agreed that when I talked about him, I did indeed call him the one who got away.

A couple hours later he texts me to tell me he had a great time. Holy shit.. It’s not like we had a bad time, but I sincerely have no idea where this is going.

Later that night, after our kids were in bed, my phone is blown up by him..and his blown up by mine. It was like old times. Although I’m truly trying to hold back. Why should I let him just waltz back into my life when I don’t really know what his intentions are. I wouldn’t say I was hurt the last time around but I was definitely disappointed. The reality of the distance was there from the get-go.

I’m dumbfounded. My mind is boggled. A big huge WTF and where did this come from?

I’m definitely over analyzing every minute and every text. Sadly I’m being a typical woman right now and I hate it.

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Ripping Him a New One

I don’t usually do the whole copying and pasting of messages I get from men online but this one kind of pissed me off.

“Hi, Are you going out tomorrow night at all?? if not, do you know where I should go to get out of my hotel??”

Upon clicking his profile he states very clearly that he’s only in town for the weekend and that he’s only looking for something casual.

Are you kidding me?

Needless to say my response started with something like, “Where the fuck in my profile does it say….” I’m sure all  you smart ladies, and perhaps maybe gentleman, can fill in the rest. I can tell you it ended with calling him an asshole after ripping him a new one.

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“I’m single because I’m realistic?”

It’s Friday, I’m sick..and of course, that means the assholes have decided today was the day to show their face clearly. Please note that since I’m sick that any annoyances may be a little over the top.

A couple days ago a man who lives almost two hours away messages me about one of my pictures. He asks if I’m wearing spandex. huh? Weird question. I look at his profile and pictures and find that he’s a avid cyclist and in all his pictures he is wearing spandex cyclist wear. Well, I guess the question isn’t as weird now. I reply telling him it’s not spandex and that was it. He then sends me a series of flattering messages telling me I have great legs and that I must work out a lot.

Well, you know what? In my experience if a man is going on about a woman’s body parts it’s not because he wants to have a chat with her. I was at work at the time of these messages and just stopped responding since my break was over.

Today, the man messages me again. I end up politely telling him that I’m not interested in anything long distance. He replies that he’s in my city two times a week and that it’s my loss. Umm what? I like confidence but I think this guy has a little too much for my liking. I should add that he listed his profession as “Emergency Medical” and does appear to be quite good looking. I’m thinking he’s not used to rejection. Sorry, no amount of good looks is going to change the price of gas.

I reply with “I’m sure you will find someone who can accommodate you.”

His reply, “This is why you’re single. Have a good one.”

Really…I’m single because I’m realistic? At this point I’m leaving Wal-Mart, my 4 year old son in tow with groceries and Kleenex in hand. I would have loved to have blasted this ass to the moon but the energy just wasn’t there.

“No need to be rude. This is why you’re single.”    Block.

I swear if I didn’t delete my account all the time I would have the longest block list ever.

I’m single because I refuse to settle for an asshole, again.

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If I found a guy I loved as much as my Smartphone…

Love of a Smartphone

I actually made this Ecard just to be funny and so I could post it on my Facebook wall. I got a lot of responses to it.

When I think about what I actually wrote, it’s true. If I could meet a man who could multitask as much as my Smartphone can (and Does) then I would totally marry him. No one is perfect (even my phone since I Hate onscreen texting!) but in this day and age there is no reason why some people can be as lazy as they are.

Sending a text to say you are going to be late, making a phone call to reserve a table, or even an e-mail with the right directions to a meeting place. These are all things that are so easily done with the smallest devices. That being said, why have I been left waiting outside somewhere because someone is late? Why have I been stuck eating an appetizer at the bar because a table wasn’t reserved? Why have I ended up at the wrong location? This is a perfect example where the “small things” turns into the “Big things”.

I added the Upgrade part as an afterthought since who doesn’t like to switch things up once in a while. Although, I have been known to hold onto technology way past it’s prime just for the simple fact that it still does what I need it to do….the same goes for a man. Why fix what isn’t broken? If it is broken and can’t be fixed, why do we have to keep it?

We don’t, just saying..

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I read this blog entry and I agree with everything that this woman has said. I also literally laughed out loud at her closing line. I definitely remember why I subscribe to her blog. 🙂

Soon2BeCatLady

Fellow online daters:   What the crap is your deal with posting photos of your cats and dogs?   (Or your car, or your food.. etc. etc. etc. – for that matter.)   Last I checked, I was online to find a person, not a cat –  however, word on the street is I may be in that market soon.

I get it – you have animals.  Great!  Take your photo with your pet.  (And if you really want to get me purring:  Read and do this.)   I don’t need to see 3 pictures of Rover when you have only one of yourself, sporting your sunglasses.   I think you are missing the point.  I will admit – on my profile – I have a photo of myself holding a snake.  It’s not mine, it’s Velvet’s..  but, it’s on there to show you how bad ass I am… and…

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Who am I? I’m not you!

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire Cat. “Which road do I take?,” she asked. “Where do you want to go?,” was his response. “I don’t know,” answered Alice. “Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.” – ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll

 

When reading this quote it reminded me of what so many of us have to face when we are looking for someone to date. If you don’t know who you are looking for then how will you know when you find them?

This is why it’s important to “find yourself” after a long-term relationship has ended. In finding yourself you will also find bits and pieces of the person you want to accompany you for the rest of your journey.

From personal experience I found that I avoided certain activities. Not because I didn’t like them, but because the ex didn’t like them. It took a little time to realize, “Hey, I liked rollerblading before I met him. I think I still do.” AND I DO!! The feeling was very liberating to be gliding down a trail on my Rollerblades that I had not used in almost 4 years. Why had I stopped? It’s great exercise, it’s fun…but why?

Some would say I assimilated to my ex’s whims. At the time I looked at it as a compromise. I believe I said to myself that if I stop rollerblading, I can spend more time with him. What was I thinking? An hour once or twice a week doing an activity I enjoy (while he sat on a couch somewhere) would not and should not affect a relationship.

The point I’m trying to make here is that if we have a good clear sense of self then it will be easier to recognize it in someone else.

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