Tag Archives: Relationship

Was it Her or Was it Me? It was HIM!

Men need to read this!

Was It Her Or Was It Me? The Douche In Me That I Don’t See

 

Men have to get that bringing up other women insults your date. Women don’t get jealous since it’s just a first date, it’s because the man is openly comparing us to other women. Keep that shit to yourself! We get nervous enough and the key is to make your date feel comfortable to want to open up….not create a competition.

I’ve met a few guys described in that post and I still get a text or two once in a while from them asking me out again.

I don’t reply.

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I made the list!

Somehow I made the list of 10 Best Dating Blogs for 30 Somethings. The link is here. It was definitely a nice surprise to wake up to this today.

Yes, I know I’ve been lacking in my writing. I’m going to be quick to blame being promoted to a new job which also requires a whole new routine and sleeping schedule. It’s been a month in my new position and I’m just now getting used to it….and the working 6 nights a week thing.

I’ve still been having dates when I can but many men don’t understand why I have to work so much now. It’s looking like dating from work may be my only option now as I’m always there. Do I really want to take that route? I tried it once 2 years ago and it was a disaster. Although the guy was a self-proclaimed asshole…I should have gotten a clue there. 😛 Sounds like a future blog post to me…

More blogs to come soon, I promise. 🙂

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I was also nominated in the Only Dates Blog Awards for 2014. I write for the fun of it but if they want to give me an award for doing something I love…go for it! 🙂

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Crazy Revisited

crazy

Last night I tried something new in the way of meeting people. I had spent the day recovering from a night out (something I hadn’t done since New Years Eve) as well texting some friends while in and out of consciousness from the severe hangover. I want to add that I remember why I don’t do this. I wasted a perfectly good Sunday in bed…by myself! To make a longer story short, once I was mobile, I was bored.

Before long I was bathed and on my way to a small town not far from where I live. I was invited to hang out with a friend of mine and his friend. My friend made it sound like he was trying to set me up with his friend…and I thought, what the hell? Let’s give it a shot!

I get to the place where they were at, have a seat and greet them. The fucked up part is that I know BOTH of them…my friend…and his friend, which is a CRAZY I met about a year ago.

Just freakin’ Perfect.

All I got from my friend(who is military) was that his friend was ex-military, his first name and that he was single. I should have asked more….but due to trusting my friend I didn’t feel like I needed to.

Sigh.

So here’s the story about Mr. Crazy.

We met on one of the dating sites and eventually met for coffee that led to lunch that same day. As it was a week day and kids were in school I even ended up taking him out to the private beach I know of. The conversation was good and normal…except for the fact that he was on a short medical leave from the military due to a severe concussion. Hmm… after meeting Mr. Head Injury this information should have given me a clue. We parted ways with a hug and a promise to contact.

I got contacted alright. I didn’t hear anything for a few days and all of a sudden I started getting unsolicited dirty sexually explicit text messages from this man. As well he begged for naked pictures and promised to send me some in return. You know, this is something you might do with someone you are actually dating(depending on your comfort level)….not something you do with someone you have only met once.

Needless to say I gave him ROYAL SHIT and told him Never to contact me again. Two days later I get a message from him in which we have this conversation:

“Hey, how are you today, would you like to go for lunch?”

“Pardon me?”

“I think you’re awesome and thought we got along great. Don’t you think?”

“Do you not remember me telling you NOT to contact me after that bullshit two days ago?”

“What bullshit?”

“Really?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You asked for naked pictures of me and sent me explicit messages that I didn’t ask for?”

……..about 20 minutes go by before he answers finally.

“It must have been someone else, so how about that lunch?”

WTF?

No, I did not meet him for lunch…nor did I ever meet him again. This happened a couple more times where he seemed to have two different personalities…that doesn’t remember what the other did. One day I was at work and he “booty called” me while including a picture of his penis. WTF!?!  I believe I called him a disgusting pig and told him I was blocking his number. In which I promptly did.

So….there I was sitting beside my friend and across from Mr. Crazy. What the hell was I to do??

Apparently in the time it took for me to drive there,  Mr. Crazy had gleaned enough information from my friend to realize that he knew me. I’ll admit I was a little rude at first since the memories of his rudeness had come back to me.

“Hello….long time no see…”

“Ahh…you’re the crazy one…”  (and yes, I totally said that.)

He laughed it off and then came the awkward silence.

I decided it would be best to put out my hand say, “Let’s start again.” We shook hands and we all had some drinks. I ended up having to take my friend home because he had waaaay too much to drink. I was kind of glad for that as the conversation didn’t flow very well. I had asked about Mr. Crazy’s concussion and if that was why he left the military. He replied, “Oh…that was a bad time for me” then got really quiet. Hmm…yep, still crazy!

Looking back, this situation could have been worse. I was a little freaked out but I was there to have fun. I took the high/mature road and put the past behind me…well, long enough to write this blog the next day about it. 🙂

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Slap You Silly

I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about some of the things guys do when dating that makes me want to slap them silly. So, here is a list.

Guys who say they love to try new things but WON’T try new things….I’m going to slap you silly.

Men who think they are better than you just because they have a nicer car, yet live with their parents…oh you bet I want to slap you silly.

The guys who think that they still look like they did 10 years ago. Are you kidding? Really? I look at the picture, washboard abs, I look at you, beer belly. Really? Slapping you silly is a must. Or maybe someone already did if you think you still look like that!

The guys who think they are ready to date when they are only separated from their wives(if at all) for two weeks. Not only am I going to slap you silly, so is YOUR wife! Because that’s what you just called her on our first date. WTF!?!

The guys who call me a bitch for telling them I WON’T have sex with them after them sending me ONE message telling me they like my legs. Yeah, every woman should slap you silly….. in the junk….with a hammer. Just sayin’.

The guys who send messages out to so many women they don’t Remember who they have messaged before….and been rejected. Not only am I going to slap you silly but your keyboard should too…and your mother who lives upstairs.

Just when I think I’m about done, I can’t forget the guys who send messages just after the bars close and are trolling the dating sites for sex. If you’re that fucking ugly that you can’t pick up a leftover at the bar….you need to slap YOURSELF! When I say Ugly I’m not talking about looks. It means your personality and attitude is so horrible that even the drunkest chick wouldn’t come home with you. It’s not like she could see anyway!

So..in conclusion, there are lots of reasons why men need to have hand prints on their faces. Any men out there have reasons why women should be slapped silly? What do we do that makes us slap/spank worthy? Ha…see what I did there? I said SPANK..which most men associate with sex….they have forgotten what they were mad about. 😛

There may be a time when I will add to this list, any suggestions?

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Pro Tip – Lower Expectations

expections

Have you ever had a date where you were so disappointed that you just couldn’t believe it? It puts you in a negative mood and tends to ruin your whole day.

I want you to think about this. What made you so disappointed about this date? Was it that the person was a complete idiot? Was it that they didn’t look like their pictures? …..or was it that you expected something more?

This is the key. Your expectations. What can you really expect from someone you have never met? Your expectations is what makes you disappointed in what may or may not happen. Someone can promise the world to you before you meet, but you really don’t know if you’re even going to like that person past 5 minutes once you actually meet.

Take it from me, a self-proclaimed dating guru, if you lower your expectations to almost nothing then you will be a lot happier about your date. Instead of being unhappy about what you thought you might get, you will be able to enjoy the conversation and make a possible friend.

That being said, please don’t confuse lowering your expectations with lowering your standards. Never lower your standards!

Comments always welcome. 🙂

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Your Ex? Who cares?!?

breaking-habits

You’re NOT ready to date if you CANNOT stop talking about your ex. I understand that if you have kids then you will always have contact with the ex….but you don’t have to mention or talk about the ex. I think we’ve evolved enough that we won’t assume the children just popped up out of nowhere.

With these statements in mind, I really wish people would take the time to heal before attempting to date. Go out with your friends, make new ones, but PLEASE do not ask out women who are Not looking for just friends then use them as a sounding board about your ex. This has happened to me more than once. I make it quite clear in person and in my profile what I’m looking for. Ignoring what I want is another example of disrespect.

I firmly believe that if one doesn’t take the time to reflect that it will only sabotage any new relationship. What often happens when people jump into something new right away is that you behave the same as you did in the last relationship….and you expect the new person to behave like the ex.

Example: The ex went out with their friends and you later find out that they cheated on you that same night in turn destroying your trust. You break up and you meet someone new. Someone new wants to go out with their friends but  you think if your girl/boyfriend goes out they will cheat. Why doesn’t your new relationship have to suffer for the mistakes your ex made?

Signs you’re NOT ready to Date:

  • All you talk about is your Ex. What he/she is doing, what they used to do, etc.
  • You’re in the process of a messy court battle – Divorce, Custody, etc.
  • You have pictures of you and your ex together still on your walls, bedroom, phone and Facebook. I get that if you have kids you may want to save the pictures for them. I don’t think it’s right to go to someone’s place for the first time and see lovey dovey pictures of my date and his ex. Same goes with wedding pictures on Facebook. If I add someone and their profile picture is a wedding shot…Umm No. ( It’s happened…)
  • You talk badly about your ex in front of your kids. This is an absolute NO NO even if you hate your ex 10 years later.
  • You send your ex nasty text messages and e-mails just to try and hurt them…and then tell people about it. This is Harrassment. The also includes writing horrible status messages about your ex. No one wants to read that drama, or any drama.
  • You drive by your ex’s place to see what they are doing or if someone else is there. This is Stalking and is Never acceptable.

To conclude I will say it’s ok to have momentary relapses of hate for the ex…but please, try to do it around friends or other people who understand your plight….or start a blog. 😛

Comments always welcome and please share! Get the message out about moving on!

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Filed under Dating, Divorce, Online Dating, Single

Window Shopping for Sex

When it comes right down to it, online dating is like window shopping. Many are browsing just to see what is there with no “intent to buy”. I looked in the Urban Dictiontionary for “window shopping” and I got what I thought I would find but then I also came upon this 3rd definition:

“When a man or woman in a relationship flirts with someone else, with no intention of taking it any further than that. It’s like looking at a brand new 50″ HDTV without the intention of buying it, even though it’s still nice to imagine having sex with it. Example: Matt loves his girlfriend, but he likes to go window shopping on occasion.” – Urban Dictionary

 

Well holy shit! This is exactly what some men and woman do when it comes to online dating. People go on the dating sites because they don’t get enough attention from their spouses. They have no intention of meeting anyone (which is good for their spouses) but they waste honest peoples’ time (bad for people like me). This irks me to no end.

Another thing that has been annoying me lately is the Intent part of people’s profiles. Almost everyone is listing themselves as “Wants to date but nothing serious”. That’s perfectly fine…but I want a relationship eventually…so I STATE that as my intention. When I ask men about that they say, “Well if it’s right then I’m open to a relationship.” Well no shit! Do they think that I’m just going to jump into something with someone because I they also stated they want a relationship? Umm no. I’m not going to jump the while “getting to know each other process.”

Another example of people who don’t know what they want! Figure it out! Please! Sigh

P.S. If you want to date with nothing Serious…then why do these same guys want to have sex with every woman they meet? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that a man’s penis entering any orifice constitutes as something serious!

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I think this turned more into a rant. Bah, it is what it is. 😛

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Plenty of Fish Antics with Pics!

I have often complained using Facebook, Twitter or directly to my friends about what people do (or don’t do) when they are attempting to meet people online. I’ve started documenting some of this on my phone using the Screen Capture function. I’ve modified the screen shots to hide the person’s username and face for their privacy. I didn’t hide me…well, because you all know it’s me! 🙂

I want you to look closely at this picture. First I was taking a picture of the fact that once again another man has made the typo of “women” instead of “woman”. pof1Second. I noticed that he says he’s looking to find someone to marry. I have often wondered if these men subliminally don’t know what they want so they type “women” and their brain just doesn’t register the typo. I have seen it A LOT so it’s not just this guy.

 

pof2Here we have a classic example of either someone who is Really new to online dating or is just lazy. I do realize that not every person is going to respond to every message they get but at least try to put some effort into it. Saying just “hi” or “hello” is not acceptable. That being said, I have received the opposite before as well. I’ve had people send me paragraphs  in a First message where I had to reply that I wasn’t interested for whatever reason (distance, etc). Sadly, due to my frustration with these people I sometimes reply in a bit of a bitchy manner. You see this in this message and will see more of it in some other screen shots. In his profile he lists that he has a Masters Degree and bunch of other intellectual “stuff”. Impressive but what’s he going to do? Walk around with his degree stapled to his shirt and hope it gets him past the awkward moment when all he says is “Hi.” ???

 

pof3This guy here lists himself as wanting a relationship. His profile seemed decent and he looked good too so I figured I might as well send a message. It wasn’t long before he kept trying to carry the conversation in a different direction. As you can see from the screen shot I called him out on it. It’s no wonder us women get confused then get defensive when a real man messages us. Yes, the messages were happening after midnight but it was a Tuesday night and I was at work….so it’s less likely the guy was drunk…less likely but who knows!

 

 

 

pof4I am not going to judge someone for not having a car. In this day and age cars/gas are getting more and more expensive. I have dated men who do not have cars but they usually lived in the same city as myself. Lately I’ve had many men from all over (20km and more) message me and want to meet me yet they have no mode of transportation. They either expect that since I have car that I’m going to come get them or they offer me money for the gas. I’m sorry but I am Not a taxi. When it comes to something like that I expect 50/50. Gas money and driving time…because Time is a HUGE deal when you’re a parent.

 

 

 

pof5This man is in his early 40’s and I normally wouldn’t have seen his profile but he had checked me out. I clicked on it and he had only the one picture on his profile. Classic bathroom picture yet he’s wearing Sunglasses. So, being the bitch that you all know I can be, I call him out on it. He says he wants casual/no commitment and writes that he’s looking for “fun excursions”. We all know what that means… He tries to explain himself out of it but I’m not buying it at all. He then shared with me another picture where he looked NOTHING like his original picture…as in way older and heavier. I don’t care if a man is burly. It looks good on most men…but don’t hide yourself and think it’s going to be ok when the person finally see what you Really look like. Everyone deserves to be loved but no one deserves to be lied to!

 

pof6pof7 There is just NO helping this guy. He seems to think it’s perfectly OK to tell a woman he’s only just started talking to that his “Junk” is “hairless”. Wow, as you can see I was quite surprised to read that. Where he says he’s sorry in the first message I had just finished explaining that certain comments come across badly over text.

Well, I hope you all got a good laugh at some of the stuff I’ve had to deal with. I’m starting to think I should try speed dating as this online thing doesn’t seem to be working out. 😛

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My Day from Hell and a Date

To say the least the month of April can go back from whence it came. It has cost me a LOT of money. I’m going to give you a little bit of a run down of what has been going on.

It started with my car. At the start of April I got a tune up done on my car. A week later the transmission on my car decided it didn’t like going in reverse. As most car owners know, transmissions are super expensive to have fixed. I’ve constantly been fixing my car (like something new every month) so I drove my car while “strategically” parking for a week. I was able to get my hands on a new “New To Me” car….where I now have payments. Ugh. But, it runs and all major parts (that I’ve fixed in my old car) are now under warranty.

A couple Fridays ago the weather in Ontario was Very un-Spring-like. So much so that we had an ice storm. We are talking, school buses cancelled, accidents every where, downed tree branches from the weight of the ice and extensive power outages. Thankfully I was still able to take my kids to school because I am in town and they don’t require to be bused there. It was my day off and I had plans to get my stereo installed in my “new” car…got to have my tunes!

As I’m waiting on the install I’m texting and reading stuff on my phone when it jumps out SmashedHTCOneXof my hand. I’ve dropped it countless times before, even on the concrete floors at work, and it’s been fine. Not this time, not on This day. Smashed. Like little bits of glass coming out and potentially into my fingers or onto my face when I went to use it type Smashed. Perfect. 

Needless to say, after the install I had to get see about a new phone. $400 and an additional year to my contract later, I have my new phone…which is the same model as my old phone sans the smashed screen. It’s the HTC One X, it’s awesome and does everything, no need to go to something else!

One to the date planned for that same night. I had been talking to a guy for a little over a week. He asked to meet me on Friday so I planned to put my son to bed at my mother’s where I would pick him up in the morning. The man was newly single and I was wary of that. Mainly because a lot of newly single men (and sometimes women)  happen to only want to do One thing, as I’ve called it before the “fuck everything that moves” stage.

NachosetcWe met up at my favorite sports bar because I figured if it didn’t go well that at least I knew I would like the food and the drinks. We were there an hour and a half before we decided to leave. I know I wasn’t feeling it and guessing he didn’t either. Oh well.

We get outside and I noticed that I had left my headlights on. Yeah, you guessed it. My battery was dead. In my “new” car. The guy didn’t have booster cables. Now what freakin’ guy doesn’t have booster cables? WTF? The guy offers to drive me home. I accepted despite not really wanting him to know where I live.

At this point I’m shaking my head wondering what kind of unlucky dark cloud is following me that day. Really? REALLY?

I was able to get a hold of one of my Best guy friends who also has booster cables. He picked me up, boosted me and made sure I was able to get my car going and home. I’m very thankful for good friends! I was very happy when midnight came in hopes that my day from Hell was over!

To conclude about my date, he messaged me the next day and said he didn’t think he was ready for what I’m looking for. Well duh. That being said he added that he would “love to see me naked” and that we should “get a little too drunk one night.”

Umm, no. I’m good.

I haven’t spoken/texted him since and do not plan on it.

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I’m feeling….

men-feelings

I want to talk about feelings today. A lot of women don’t have a problem talking about their feelings but when it comes to men….umm, no, not happening.

It’s to the point where when I do meet a man who does express their feelings I don’t actually believe him. It makes me feel overwhelmed because my brain doesn’t know how to process it all.

I’ll give an example. A while back I met a man who would compliment me constantly. I’m talking in person, through text message, etc …and it wasn’t just about my physical appearance. I had to ask him to stop. I didn’t know how to take it.

Now those aren’t necessarily feelings but what are was how this man reacted to everything. If something made him happy, sad or angry, he expressed it through his words…not all in his actions. This was a new one for me. After much thought I realized I LIKED it! There was SO much less for me to try to figure out and so much more for me to enjoy because of it.

Finally! A man who understood that I’m not freakin’ mind reader!

The sad part is that due life things didn’t work out with his man. No fault to either one of us. In turn I learned that this is a quality in a man that I would like. I realize that a man who can express his feelings is rare but there has GOT to be some more out there!

For anyone reading this…point me in the Right direction and I’ll be ALL over that!

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