Tag Archives: women

OKCupid: What do I like best about my body? What?


I received this message Saturday. As you can see the screenshot was taken at 7:36pm and 29 minutes earlier this man tells me he “has a glow on”. Already? Wow, that’s a bit early…even for a Saturday.

What do I like best about my body? How about the fact that my body is 3 hours away from this idiot. I promptly blocked him after my response.  I don’t have time to entertain boys.

As I stated in my response, it’s not acceptable to start a conversation like this just because it’s online and I can’t see the person. The only way I can see this being OK is if I’m hammered at the bar with puke in my hair and one boob hanging out my top.

Otherwise, no. Get some Internet Etiquette (netiquette)  skills people if you intend to use it!

I may have brought myself down to his level a bit by telling him to get a life and calling him an idiot…perhaps this working 6 nights a week thing is taking it’s toll. Or maybe I’m just a bitch. 😛 Take your pick. 🙂



Filed under Dating

I made the list!

Somehow I made the list of 10 Best Dating Blogs for 30 Somethings. The link is here. It was definitely a nice surprise to wake up to this today.

Yes, I know I’ve been lacking in my writing. I’m going to be quick to blame being promoted to a new job which also requires a whole new routine and sleeping schedule. It’s been a month in my new position and I’m just now getting used to it….and the working 6 nights a week thing.

I’ve still been having dates when I can but many men don’t understand why I have to work so much now. It’s looking like dating from work may be my only option now as I’m always there. Do I really want to take that route? I tried it once 2 years ago and it was a disaster. Although the guy was a self-proclaimed asshole…I should have gotten a clue there. 😛 Sounds like a future blog post to me…

More blogs to come soon, I promise. 🙂


I was also nominated in the Only Dates Blog Awards for 2014. I write for the fun of it but if they want to give me an award for doing something I love…go for it! 🙂


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The Pink Panties

There are times when you feel like throwing caution to the wind and just going with the flow. There are also times where there are red flags and you should not ignore them. The experience I’m about to tell is one of those.

In about April of this year I found myself with a weekend off where my kids were with their dad. It was Saturday afternoon and plans I had made with friends had fallen through. A man had started sending me messages on POF. Another military man from the base located an hour from me. He seemed decent enough that after a couple hours of messages back and forth, I accepted his invitation for dinner.

I made the hour long drive to his city as there was more things to do there than in mine. We met at a restaurant and everything seemed cool. I will add that he was VERY French. As I’ve met quite a few men from the military on POF I’ve become used to filtering out the accent. I sometimes think it’s funny to hear how they say certain English words…even my own name as it starts with an H….H’s are difficult for them and I know this. 😛

We had a nice drink and chat at the first restaurant then he suggest going to another because he had discovered I loved wings. Everything seemed normal except I learned that he was only recently single for a month and that his ex girlfriend (also military) was still in the process of moving out. Hmm…

After eating I seemed comfortable with him enough to accept his invitation to watch some Big Bang Theory at his place. Yes, I know…you shouldn’t go to a guys house you just met but it had started raining. I wasn’t ready to go home yet and the rain made it so a walk would have been dismal.

I should have gone home.

I went to his place which was a small basement apartment. He had explained he was moving in another week to a house he had bought in a new subdivision. We settled on the couch and he made sure to sit right beside me and snuggled up. At this point I didn’t mind because who doesn’t like to snuggle?

About half way through the episode I had to use the washroom. He directs me to go through his bedroom where the bathroom is on the other side. I passed a drying rack on my way but had to go so bad something didn’t register at first. When I came out I did a quick sweep of the room with my eyes….because I’m nosy that way.

Fantasy novel (in French) by the bed, clothes neatly folded on the dresser, boxes half filled looking like he’s ready to move and pink panties hanging off the drying rack. PINK PANTIES? WTF…? This guy was 6’3″ and easily a muscular 190-200lbs. There is no freakin’ way he could fit into those.

That being said, he had told me his ex was in the process of moving out. I don’t know about you all…but if I’m moving out of someone’s place I’m pretty sure I’m not going to leave my PINK underwear hanging around, quite literally. As well, if my ex left his underwear hanging around I would have either burned it or thrown it in a garbage bag for them to pick up.

I went back out to his living room and pretended I hadn’t seen anything. I didn’t sit as close to him though. We watched the rest of the episode and he indicated that he wanted to make out with me. I decided I had nothing to lose said sure, if he could say my name.

Remember the whole “H” thing couple with the French accent? I wanted to get in one last laugh before I left this loser.

“Say my name.”

He shakes his head no.

“Come on, I want to hear you say it.”

“I cannot.”

“Really? It’s that hard?”


“Oh I get it…do you even remember my name?” I ask jokingly.

He shakes his head.

Nice. What the fuck? I know I texted my name to him before I met him and I knew his name..and had said it a couple times. This indicated that he didn’t care to remember or know it.

It was at this point where my phone started ringing and it was coworkers wondering where I was. I usually attend local UFC showings with them….and usually the one who drives their drunk asses home. I used this excuse as my quick exit, but not before noticing a few pairs of high heeled shoes shoved to one side in the entry way. Hmm..

Needless to say I never contacted that guy again. I came to the conclusion that his girlfriend must have been on some course with the military and/or was out of town at that time. There is also the idea that she was staying at their new house while he was supposed to be packing. Who knows…I don’t…and I don’t care to know.

Le sigh.

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Slap You Silly

I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about some of the things guys do when dating that makes me want to slap them silly. So, here is a list.

Guys who say they love to try new things but WON’T try new things….I’m going to slap you silly.

Men who think they are better than you just because they have a nicer car, yet live with their parents…oh you bet I want to slap you silly.

The guys who think that they still look like they did 10 years ago. Are you kidding? Really? I look at the picture, washboard abs, I look at you, beer belly. Really? Slapping you silly is a must. Or maybe someone already did if you think you still look like that!

The guys who think they are ready to date when they are only separated from their wives(if at all) for two weeks. Not only am I going to slap you silly, so is YOUR wife! Because that’s what you just called her on our first date. WTF!?!

The guys who call me a bitch for telling them I WON’T have sex with them after them sending me ONE message telling me they like my legs. Yeah, every woman should slap you silly….. in the junk….with a hammer. Just sayin’.

The guys who send messages out to so many women they don’t Remember who they have messaged before….and been rejected. Not only am I going to slap you silly but your keyboard should too…and your mother who lives upstairs.

Just when I think I’m about done, I can’t forget the guys who send messages just after the bars close and are trolling the dating sites for sex. If you’re that fucking ugly that you can’t pick up a leftover at the bar….you need to slap YOURSELF! When I say Ugly I’m not talking about looks. It means your personality and attitude is so horrible that even the drunkest chick wouldn’t come home with you. It’s not like she could see anyway!

So..in conclusion, there are lots of reasons why men need to have hand prints on their faces. Any men out there have reasons why women should be slapped silly? What do we do that makes us slap/spank worthy? Ha…see what I did there? I said SPANK..which most men associate with sex….they have forgotten what they were mad about. 😛

There may be a time when I will add to this list, any suggestions?


Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

The Disappearing Act

Have you ever started talking to someone from online or otherwise where it’s an almost daily thing. You get to know their schedule and when or when not to expect messages. You’re getting to know each other and sometimes the conversations can lead way past when you should be sleeping for work in the morning. Also, they make sure to tell you that their phone is on them all the time so text any time.

Then…all of a sudden…nothing…or almost nothing. It’s gone from all the time to:

“Text me if you’re bored and I’ll ignore it like I’m busy.”

What happened? I mean, really…what happened?

It’s been my experience that when this happens the person has found someone else. In essence it means that even though the person was acting like they were into you, it also means they were still looking. Perhaps they were into you and someone better looking, more money, or nicer car came along. Or worse, the person was married or has a girlfriend.

I call this type of behaviour “The Disappearing Act.” No one really knows why it happens. All I know for sure is that it wastes my time….which for anyone who knows me it screams DISRESPECT. Sure, I’ve been entertained by the conversation but it doesn’t mean I’m doing it for the good of my health.

I’ve had it where someone will talk to me for a week on the dating site then go silent, yet they still appear online. After another week I get a random message from the person with their phone number. You know what I did? I ignored it. I didn’t message back or text their number. This is a classic example as the person using me as a back up. No, thanks, not interested.

Sadly, there is nothing we can do about this behaviour. We have to live with it as it comes but when it does, don’t condone it. Ignore the person if they contact you again or call them out. Everyone has emergencies and can’t be available all the time, but we aren’t talk about that.

Let’s take control and make it:

“Text me but I’m ignoring YOU because you’re a time wasting jerk!”

As always, comments, questions, orders for my non-existant book are always welcome. 😛

P.S. This behaviour is not limited to just men, us women do it too. I don’t. I just get classified as a bitch when I say I’m not interested.


Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

Part 2 – The One Who Got Away

Now my head is messed up. This entry is an update to the post I made yesterday entitled The One Who Got Away Just Contacted Me. I was super excited and totally freaking out about see him again.

Here goes…

I met him at that park where we went for a walk the first day we met. It’s also the same place where I do all of my rollerblading. He’s early…I had planned on getting there before him so I could try and relax while drinking my coffee. Considering he lives about 45 minutes away from me, the fact that he was early made me think he really must have wanted to see me.

He rode his sport bike and of course looked as handsome and sexy as ever. He hadn’t changed a bit. He asked for a hug first thing. His hug is strong and soft at the same time. The kind of hug where you feel safe. I could have melted. Damn, how does he have that effect on me?!?

We talked, laughed and caught up. We did go rollerblading for a short time. About 2kms or so. I say short since when I go on my own its usually at least 10kms. All the while I’m checking him out and wondering why is he here?

Afterwards we stop at my place to drop off his motorcycle and go out for lunch. He constantly complimented me about how great I look and how smart I am. He even mentioned that he doesn’t understand why or how I’m still single. This is where I mentioned that I now write this blog about my dating misadventures, even about the epiphany I had the other day. We even talked about why things didn’t work between us. Mainly the distance between us.

He instantly asked if I had written about him. I told him I did just that morning and he wanted to read it. Ah crap.. After a few minutes I get out my phone and let him read the post. He commented that he thought it was sweet and again how intelligent I am. I was slightly embarrassed that he got to have a glimpse into my head.

All the while we are talking and hanging out he looks at me right in the eyes. I swear this man has the most intense eyes. He looks Right at me and when he does I know, or at least think, he’s with me and his head isn’t anywhere else. I don’t know how he does it.

After lunch we somehow fit in some snuggle time on my couch. It felt like how we were before…although in my head I’m thinking it’s been over a year since I’ve physical seen this man and almost 5 months since we had any contact with each other (the June birthday text I sent). The connection and attraction was definitely still there.

Finally, he had to leave so that he could pick his daughter up from school. I ended up taking a short nap since my head was swimming (and still is). I needed a break.

I. Will. Not. Chase.

I swore I wasn’t going to text him first. Swore it. Even swore to my friend who agreed that when I talked about him, I did indeed call him the one who got away.

A couple hours later he texts me to tell me he had a great time. Holy shit.. It’s not like we had a bad time, but I sincerely have no idea where this is going.

Later that night, after our kids were in bed, my phone is blown up by him..and his blown up by mine. It was like old times. Although I’m truly trying to hold back. Why should I let him just waltz back into my life when I don’t really know what his intentions are. I wouldn’t say I was hurt the last time around but I was definitely disappointed. The reality of the distance was there from the get-go.

I’m dumbfounded. My mind is boggled. A big huge WTF and where did this come from?

I’m definitely over analyzing every minute and every text. Sadly I’m being a typical woman right now and I hate it.

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Filed under Dating, Love, Online Dating, POF, Single, Trust

Insanely Happy – A slightly Psychotic poem

Not quite sure when I wrote this poem but I’m guessing it was around 2004/05. I was going through my first divorce. I definitely must have been feeling some intense emotions when these words materialized as they did. It’s a bit unpolished and the timing is a little off. That being said, I give you:

Insanely Happy

I watch your funny face,
But your face doesn’t make me laugh,
You know what it is, and so do I,
It’s that knife stuck in your back.

Your blood makes me giggle,
As it trickles to the floor,
I believe that you are history,
A text of forgotten lore.

I do not smile often,
But this I will admit,
Deserves a smile, maybe more,
As you gush a little bit.

What is my murderous motive?
A believable last thought, I think,
Justice for me and no one else,
You’re too thoughtless to make a link.

They say pure joy and happiness,
Is thought to be very rare,
A sly smirk upon my face,
We’ve seen who likes a scare.

In conclusion, I have won,
I’ve truly solved this case,
I’ll see you in hell,
I watch your funny face.

Copyright The Woman Behind sofreespirit80

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Filed under Divorce, Love, Single

I came across the below link while reading my facebook wall. One of dating gurus I follow posted it and I checked it out. Not only is the post surprisingly accurate but it is also funny and to the point. No sugar coating. I agree with every point made in the post, hence why I’m sharing it with everyone who reads my blog.


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September 25, 2012 · 5:18 PM

Mr. Cling-on

A week or so ago I started talking to a man who sounded great on paper. He is super nice, cute, has a great job, his own house, his own vehicle(s)….except that he’s recently separated/single. So recent that upon creeping his Facebook I saw that his relationship status had only changed from Married to Single on the 3rd of September. Damn. I also was able to read some of his wall posts about the break up and his comments about how he still wished he could make it work with his now ex. Double Damn.

I don’t know which part of me raised her voice that day (the bitch or the helper) but I decided I was going to call him out on it. By this time we were communicating via text message. I told him I had just finished reading all the recent posts on his Facebook and asked him how I was to interpret it all. I didn’t hear anything back…leaving me to think I creeped him out. Not the case. He texts back after a half an hour to tell me he’s deleted all those posts and comments as well as his wedding pictures (yeah, I noticed those too…) and that he definitely is single and moving on.

I told him straight up that he hasn’t been single long enough and that I can’t date him because of it. I truly believe there are stages a person has to go though after a long term relationship before they can move on to someone new. I will write about that in another post.

A few days go by and I find myself with a Saturday night to myself, no kids and plans that had fallen through. I told him this and we agreed to meet for coffee. He buys my coffee (despite my having my money in hand) and we settle into his truck to talk. (I’m not a fan of sitting in the coffee shop since other people tend to listen.)

Now I almost never about exes but since his separation is so new I know it’s the only thing on his mind. We talk about various subjects but as suspected, the exes, his and mine, keep coming up. I mentioned mine since I’ve been single longer and I was trying to tell/show him how the progression from animosity to civil can and will happen (unless the person is a psycho). All in all a good conversation that lasted a few hours.

I made a mistake here though. I became bored with the setting and decided to change it. We took a drive in my car and I specifically called it an adventure. There are many beaches close to the area where we both live but you have to pay to get in and always closed after dark. By this time I have a good sense that this guy won’t try to kill me. So…I decide the adventure is going to take us to a private beach that I know. We walked along the beach and a couple of times I think he tried to initiate physical contact. I ignored it and wrote it off as him bumping into me. Looking back on it now, the beach could have been deemed as romantic since the stars looked absolutely Amazing that night.

It was late when I dropped him back off at his car. I purposely didn’t get out so that he didn’t try to hug me. If you haven’t guessed by now, no spark…doused by his length of time being single.

I get home at 2am and at 2:15am he texts me to tell me he had a good time….and that he’s on the phone with his Mother telling her ALL about me. Umm…what? He then goes on to tell me how beautiful, awesome, mature, and smart I am. Of which I reply with, “Thanks.” Kind of felt like the exchange when someone says “I love you” way too soon. Now I’m freaked out! What 32-year-old man calls his mother at 2 something in the morning to tell her about someone he just met that night. Mama’s boy? Oh no..

From then on and throughout the week I half ignore his texts. I remind him again that I can’t  date him because he is too newly single. He constantly asks how I am and sends texts at inappropriate times. (Like when I’m sleeping during the day and he Knows I’m working night shift.) Friday comes and he asks how I am, again…and I reply that I’m miserable. I explain how my car is in the shop and he offers to let me drive his truck until it’s fixed. Umm…what? Really? I politely decline even though it’s a nice truck, but no, I haven’t known him long enough to accept offers like that. Plus, who offers something like that to someone they have met only once?

I haven’t closed the book on this one yet since he does have potential to become a friend. Someone who tells him like it is seems to be what this man needs…and maybe someone to show him the ropes of being single since his Facebook has been overly dramatic with the “lonely” posts. Believe me, I called him out on that too.

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Filed under Dating, Divorce, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF, Single

If I found a guy I loved as much as my Smartphone…

Love of a Smartphone

I actually made this Ecard just to be funny and so I could post it on my Facebook wall. I got a lot of responses to it.

When I think about what I actually wrote, it’s true. If I could meet a man who could multitask as much as my Smartphone can (and Does) then I would totally marry him. No one is perfect (even my phone since I Hate onscreen texting!) but in this day and age there is no reason why some people can be as lazy as they are.

Sending a text to say you are going to be late, making a phone call to reserve a table, or even an e-mail with the right directions to a meeting place. These are all things that are so easily done with the smallest devices. That being said, why have I been left waiting outside somewhere because someone is late? Why have I been stuck eating an appetizer at the bar because a table wasn’t reserved? Why have I ended up at the wrong location? This is a perfect example where the “small things” turns into the “Big things”.

I added the Upgrade part as an afterthought since who doesn’t like to switch things up once in a while. Although, I have been known to hold onto technology way past it’s prime just for the simple fact that it still does what I need it to do….the same goes for a man. Why fix what isn’t broken? If it is broken and can’t be fixed, why do we have to keep it?

We don’t, just saying..

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Filed under Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, POF