OKCupid: What do I like best about my body? What?

I received this message Saturday. As you can see the screenshot was taken at 7:36pm and 29 minutes earlier this man tells me he “has a glow on”. Already? Wow, that’s a bit early…even for a Saturday.

What do I like best about my body? How about the fact that my body is 3 hours away from this idiot. I promptly blocked him after my response.  I don’t have time to entertain boys.

As I stated in my response, it’s not acceptable to start a conversation like this just because it’s online and I can’t see the person. The only way I can see this being OK is if I’m hammered at the bar with puke in my hair and one boob hanging out my top.

Otherwise, no. Get some Internet Etiquette (netiquette)  skills people if you intend to use it!

I may have brought myself down to his level a bit by telling him to get a life and calling him an idiot…perhaps this working 6 nights a week thing is taking it’s toll. Or maybe I’m just a bitch. 😛 Take your pick. 🙂

TMI His EX with Screenshot

I think there were two messages before I asked this man what made him try Plenty of Fish. As you can see the conversation went totally awry at no fault of my own. I even warned him that he was giving me too much info….yet he still gave me more. This man is obviously still hurting and should spend some time with friends and family before he tries to find himself a woman.

It is my experience that if someone has verbal/textual diarrhea when it comes to their ex then they ARE NOT over them.

Am I wrong?

Was it Her or Was it Me? It was HIM!

Men need to read this!

Was It Her Or Was It Me? The Douche In Me That I Don’t See

 

Men have to get that bringing up other women insults your date. Women don’t get jealous since it’s just a first date, it’s because the man is openly comparing us to other women. Keep that shit to yourself! We get nervous enough and the key is to make your date feel comfortable to want to open up….not create a competition.

I’ve met a few guys described in that post and I still get a text or two once in a while from them asking me out again.

I don’t reply.

The Pink Panties

There are times when you feel like throwing caution to the wind and just going with the flow. There are also times where there are red flags and you should not ignore them. The experience I’m about to tell is one of those.

In about April of this year I found myself with a weekend off where my kids were with their dad. It was Saturday afternoon and plans I had made with friends had fallen through. A man had started sending me messages on POF. Another military man from the base located an hour from me. He seemed decent enough that after a couple hours of messages back and forth, I accepted his invitation for dinner.

I made the hour long drive to his city as there was more things to do there than in mine. We met at a restaurant and everything seemed cool. I will add that he was VERY French. As I’ve met quite a few men from the military on POF I’ve become used to filtering out the accent. I sometimes think it’s funny to hear how they say certain English words…even my own name as it starts with an H….H’s are difficult for them and I know this. 😛

We had a nice drink and chat at the first restaurant then he suggest going to another because he had discovered I loved wings. Everything seemed normal except I learned that he was only recently single for a month and that his ex girlfriend (also military) was still in the process of moving out. Hmm…

After eating I seemed comfortable with him enough to accept his invitation to watch some Big Bang Theory at his place. Yes, I know…you shouldn’t go to a guys house you just met but it had started raining. I wasn’t ready to go home yet and the rain made it so a walk would have been dismal.

I should have gone home.

I went to his place which was a small basement apartment. He had explained he was moving in another week to a house he had bought in a new subdivision. We settled on the couch and he made sure to sit right beside me and snuggled up. At this point I didn’t mind because who doesn’t like to snuggle?

About half way through the episode I had to use the washroom. He directs me to go through his bedroom where the bathroom is on the other side. I passed a drying rack on my way but had to go so bad something didn’t register at first. When I came out I did a quick sweep of the room with my eyes….because I’m nosy that way.

Fantasy novel (in French) by the bed, clothes neatly folded on the dresser, boxes half filled looking like he’s ready to move and pink panties hanging off the drying rack. PINK PANTIES? WTF…? This guy was 6’3″ and easily a muscular 190-200lbs. There is no freakin’ way he could fit into those.

That being said, he had told me his ex was in the process of moving out. I don’t know about you all…but if I’m moving out of someone’s place I’m pretty sure I’m not going to leave my PINK underwear hanging around, quite literally. As well, if my ex left his underwear hanging around I would have either burned it or thrown it in a garbage bag for them to pick up.

I went back out to his living room and pretended I hadn’t seen anything. I didn’t sit as close to him though. We watched the rest of the episode and he indicated that he wanted to make out with me. I decided I had nothing to lose said sure, if he could say my name.

Remember the whole “H” thing couple with the French accent? I wanted to get in one last laugh before I left this loser.

“Say my name.”

He shakes his head no.

“Come on, I want to hear you say it.”

“I cannot.”

“Really? It’s that hard?”

“Oui.”

“Oh I get it…do you even remember my name?” I ask jokingly.

He shakes his head.

Nice. What the fuck? I know I texted my name to him before I met him and I knew his name..and had said it a couple times. This indicated that he didn’t care to remember or know it.

It was at this point where my phone started ringing and it was coworkers wondering where I was. I usually attend local UFC showings with them….and usually the one who drives their drunk asses home. I used this excuse as my quick exit, but not before noticing a few pairs of high heeled shoes shoved to one side in the entry way. Hmm..

Needless to say I never contacted that guy again. I came to the conclusion that his girlfriend must have been on some course with the military and/or was out of town at that time. There is also the idea that she was staying at their new house while he was supposed to be packing. Who knows…I don’t…and I don’t care to know.

Le sigh.

Slap You Silly

I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about some of the things guys do when dating that makes me want to slap them silly. So, here is a list.

Guys who say they love to try new things but WON’T try new things….I’m going to slap you silly.

Men who think they are better than you just because they have a nicer car, yet live with their parents…oh you bet I want to slap you silly.

The guys who think that they still look like they did 10 years ago. Are you kidding? Really? I look at the picture, washboard abs, I look at you, beer belly. Really? Slapping you silly is a must. Or maybe someone already did if you think you still look like that!

The guys who think they are ready to date when they are only separated from their wives(if at all) for two weeks. Not only am I going to slap you silly, so is YOUR wife! Because that’s what you just called her on our first date. WTF!?!

The guys who call me a bitch for telling them I WON’T have sex with them after them sending me ONE message telling me they like my legs. Yeah, every woman should slap you silly….. in the junk….with a hammer. Just sayin’.

The guys who send messages out to so many women they don’t Remember who they have messaged before….and been rejected. Not only am I going to slap you silly but your keyboard should too…and your mother who lives upstairs.

Just when I think I’m about done, I can’t forget the guys who send messages just after the bars close and are trolling the dating sites for sex. If you’re that fucking ugly that you can’t pick up a leftover at the bar….you need to slap YOURSELF! When I say Ugly I’m not talking about looks. It means your personality and attitude is so horrible that even the drunkest chick wouldn’t come home with you. It’s not like she could see anyway!

So..in conclusion, there are lots of reasons why men need to have hand prints on their faces. Any men out there have reasons why women should be slapped silly? What do we do that makes us slap/spank worthy? Ha…see what I did there? I said SPANK..which most men associate with sex….they have forgotten what they were mad about. 😛

There may be a time when I will add to this list, any suggestions?

The Disappearing Act

Have you ever started talking to someone from online or otherwise where it’s an almost daily thing. You get to know their schedule and when or when not to expect messages. You’re getting to know each other and sometimes the conversations can lead way past when you should be sleeping for work in the morning. Also, they make sure to tell you that their phone is on them all the time so text any time.

Then…all of a sudden…nothing…or almost nothing. It’s gone from all the time to:

“Text me if you’re bored and I’ll ignore it like I’m busy.”

What happened? I mean, really…what happened?

It’s been my experience that when this happens the person has found someone else. In essence it means that even though the person was acting like they were into you, it also means they were still looking. Perhaps they were into you and someone better looking, more money, or nicer car came along. Or worse, the person was married or has a girlfriend.

I call this type of behaviour “The Disappearing Act.” No one really knows why it happens. All I know for sure is that it wastes my time….which for anyone who knows me it screams DISRESPECT. Sure, I’ve been entertained by the conversation but it doesn’t mean I’m doing it for the good of my health.

I’ve had it where someone will talk to me for a week on the dating site then go silent, yet they still appear online. After another week I get a random message from the person with their phone number. You know what I did? I ignored it. I didn’t message back or text their number. This is a classic example as the person using me as a back up. No, thanks, not interested.

Sadly, there is nothing we can do about this behaviour. We have to live with it as it comes but when it does, don’t condone it. Ignore the person if they contact you again or call them out. Everyone has emergencies and can’t be available all the time, but we aren’t talk about that.

Let’s take control and make it:

“Text me but I’m ignoring YOU because you’re a time wasting jerk!”

As always, comments, questions, orders for my non-existant book are always welcome. 😛

P.S. This behaviour is not limited to just men, us women do it too. I don’t. I just get classified as a bitch when I say I’m not interested.

POF Creep – Photo Evidence

Seriously? I don’t even have to make this shit up!

This morning I got finished a 12hr night shift (7pm-7am) and realized that I had next to nothing for my kids school lunches. I headed over to Wal-Mart, picked up some things and went to the cash register. As I’m finished paying I just happened to look behind me. I recognized a man who has messaged me on Plenty of Fish (POF) a few times. I also know I have blocked him more than once because he kept asking to have sex with me. Needless to say I walked a little faster to my car than I normally would.

All of this he confirms in the above message. I was baffled to say the least. He sure seems to have lots of balls online but can’t bring himself to say anything to me in person….which I’m absolutely GLAD that he did not.

As much as this person sucks, I know not all men behave like him. Staying positive seems to be getting harder and harder though. That being said, right now this screenshot (the unedited one) is currently my profile picture on Plenty of Fish.

I think it’s one of the last steps of my giving up on meeting someone from online. It has worked for me in the past…but with the mainstreaming of it all brings all the idiots trying out a new fad. A new fad isn’t for everyone.

In conclusion, just because you have the App on your phone doesn’t mean you have to be a fucking dickhead. 😛

Pro Tip – Lower Expectations

Have you ever had a date where you were so disappointed that you just couldn’t believe it? It puts you in a negative mood and tends to ruin your whole day.

I want you to think about this. What made you so disappointed about this date? Was it that the person was a complete idiot? Was it that they didn’t look like their pictures? …..or was it that you expected something more?

This is the key. Your expectations. What can you really expect from someone you have never met? Your expectations is what makes you disappointed in what may or may not happen. Someone can promise the world to you before you meet, but you really don’t know if you’re even going to like that person past 5 minutes once you actually meet.

Take it from me, a self-proclaimed dating guru, if you lower your expectations to almost nothing then you will be a lot happier about your date. Instead of being unhappy about what you thought you might get, you will be able to enjoy the conversation and make a possible friend.

That being said, please don’t confuse lowering your expectations with lowering your standards. Never lower your standards!

Comments always welcome. 🙂

Your Ex? Who cares?!?

You’re NOT ready to date if you CANNOT stop talking about your ex. I understand that if you have kids then you will always have contact with the ex….but you don’t have to mention or talk about the ex. I think we’ve evolved enough that we won’t assume the children just popped up out of nowhere.

With these statements in mind, I really wish people would take the time to heal before attempting to date. Go out with your friends, make new ones, but PLEASE do not ask out women who are Not looking for just friends then use them as a sounding board about your ex. This has happened to me more than once. I make it quite clear in person and in my profile what I’m looking for. Ignoring what I want is another example of disrespect.

I firmly believe that if one doesn’t take the time to reflect that it will only sabotage any new relationship. What often happens when people jump into something new right away is that you behave the same as you did in the last relationship….and you expect the new person to behave like the ex.

Example: The ex went out with their friends and you later find out that they cheated on you that same night in turn destroying your trust. You break up and you meet someone new. Someone new wants to go out with their friends but  you think if your girl/boyfriend goes out they will cheat. Why doesn’t your new relationship have to suffer for the mistakes your ex made?

Signs you’re NOT ready to Date:

• All you talk about is your Ex. What he/she is doing, what they used to do, etc.
• You’re in the process of a messy court battle – Divorce, Custody, etc.
• You have pictures of you and your ex together still on your walls, bedroom, phone and Facebook. I get that if you have kids you may want to save the pictures for them. I don’t think it’s right to go to someone’s place for the first time and see lovey dovey pictures of my date and his ex. Same goes with wedding pictures on Facebook. If I add someone and their profile picture is a wedding shot…Umm No. ( It’s happened…)
• You talk badly about your ex in front of your kids. This is an absolute NO NO even if you hate your ex 10 years later.
• You send your ex nasty text messages and e-mails just to try and hurt them…and then tell people about it. This is Harrassment. The also includes writing horrible status messages about your ex. No one wants to read that drama, or any drama.
• You drive by your ex’s place to see what they are doing or if someone else is there. This is Stalking and is Never acceptable.

To conclude I will say it’s ok to have momentary relapses of hate for the ex…but please, try to do it around friends or other people who understand your plight….or start a blog. 😛

Comments always welcome and please share! Get the message out about moving on!

Window Shopping for Sex

When it comes right down to it, online dating is like window shopping. Many are browsing just to see what is there with no “intent to buy”. I looked in the Urban Dictiontionary for “window shopping” and I got what I thought I would find but then I also came upon this 3rd definition:

“When a man or woman in a relationship flirts with someone else, with no intention of taking it any further than that. It’s like looking at a brand new 50″ HDTV without the intention of buying it, even though it’s still nice to imagine having sex with it. Example: Matt loves his girlfriend, but he likes to go window shopping on occasion.” – Urban Dictionary

 

Well holy shit! This is exactly what some men and woman do when it comes to online dating. People go on the dating sites because they don’t get enough attention from their spouses. They have no intention of meeting anyone (which is good for their spouses) but they waste honest peoples’ time (bad for people like me). This irks me to no end.

Another thing that has been annoying me lately is the Intent part of people’s profiles. Almost everyone is listing themselves as “Wants to date but nothing serious”. That’s perfectly fine…but I want a relationship eventually…so I STATE that as my intention. When I ask men about that they say, “Well if it’s right then I’m open to a relationship.” Well no shit! Do they think that I’m just going to jump into something with someone because I they also stated they want a relationship? Umm no. I’m not going to jump the while “getting to know each other process.”

Another example of people who don’t know what they want! Figure it out! Please! Sigh

P.S. If you want to date with nothing Serious…then why do these same guys want to have sex with every woman they meet? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that a man’s penis entering any orifice constitutes as something serious!

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I think this turned more into a rant. Bah, it is what it is. 😛